Ever find yourself, no matter how AWESOME your life is going, thinking that something is STILL missing?
Ever feel that “SEE!” moment when life hands you a bunch o’ sour lemons and you want to run around showing everyone (maybe on Facebook) how sour they really are just so you can prove to people how you’re not crazy and to verify that there’s nothing really wrong with you?
Do you find it strange that even if you’re on the top of your game, on top of your savings… that you are always sorta worried that someone (or something) is about to come and knock you off your grounding? To the point where you can almost become a bit paranoid about it?
You know that moment when you declare that you’re going to do something, whether it’s starting an exercise program, creating a new piece of art, looking for a new jobby job, and TADA! you actually start working at it… until the FIRST day you don’t go to the gym, the FIRST time you get a rejection and you instinctively go to THAT place…… that “I knew it wouldn’t work, I knew I wouldn’t get it” place,and quit all together?
I’m sure you have a grasp of what I’m talking about; that common bond between all of us that NATURALLY goes to the place where we feel like we’re not good enough. That no matter how successful we are, how many Facebook/Twitter followers we have, that there is this voice, tugging at you.
Telling you that you are CRAZY if you think this is going to work,if you’re feeling successful, or “See, I told you it wouldn’t work.”, the first moment you are feeling like it’s not.
That moment when you’re at the grocery store and you catch yourself about to fall and you go into a spiral of panic and shame that everyone around you is going to think you’re an idiot. Memories of Adam Sandler’s skit, “They’re all going to laugh at you.” comes to mind.
How about the moment when you actually aren’t paying attention in your car while driving, and you cut someone off, stop short and the person in the other car/person on the street looks at you and you feel your face turn beet red and you don’t know what to do but PRETEND you don’t know why they’re upset or looking at you?
Finally, what if you’re an avid believer in The Law of Attraction and feel SO inspired by the stories you’ve read about, the movie you’ve seen about it, and ALL the books about this topic. You are inspired (almost obsessed) to start practicing it(and…not just when the lottery rolls around) but for some reason you can’t get over this weird sense that while you know it’s true, you can’t get yourself to REALLY start practicing it for any length of time in order to make something happen.
Trust me, I can go on…
I promise I’m not just relaying moments in my own life, but I’ve asked my friends and people I respect if they’ve experienced similar moments and inevitably they all say YES.
It can be as mild as a sense that you might not want to wear your hear up one day or as severe as a full blown panic attack as you are about to get on an elevator, or plane. We ALL have this voice (for the purposes of this article, I’m going to call it a voice) telling us in many different ways that we are not good/smart/tall/skinny/educated/artistic/spiritual/wealthy/(fill in the blank) enough for you to get what you want.
And the kicker is, we all believe that voice.
It’s this very voice/sense/intuition that keeps us looking, outside ourselves, for the answer to why you believe what this voice is telling you is true or not. It’s why we keep searching for the perfect remedy, prescription, exercise equipment, diet, blog post, e-course, personal trainer, coach, New York Best Sellers book, to be that THING that you need to help you FINALLY and once in for all, find the answer that will give you what you are ultimately searching for.
Peace. What you really want is to feel at peace.
Even reading this right now you’re still searching for the proof NOT to believe this voice.
“No, that just can’t be true that I’m worth it/not worth it. I’m going to keep looking.”
Why when you are rocking and rolling, feeling ON PURPOSE in your life, your body, your business…that inevitably something comes into our experience that shows us, YET AGAIN, that we are somehow not entitled to that.
(waves pointer finger) “No, no, no my dear, THAT (happiness/success/love/peace) is not for you.”
It’s like it knows that the more that you listen to it, the more you’re going to keep looking for a reason NOT to, which will make you go round and round when what you’re looking for (out there) doesn’t match the expectations of what you’re ultimately searching for (PEACE) and you eventually always find yourself back at that place of having to start all over again.
For me, this past year has been ALL about noticing that voice in the myriad of ways in which the voice has me searching, outside of myself, for the answer to why I do or do not deserve to be at peace. It’s been an AMAZING year of discovering just how BAD this voice does not want me to know where my peace lies.
It will pull out ALL the stops so that I will keep looking for peace in all the wrong places.
For instance, you want to know where I have always thought my peace was? I was SHOCKED when I found out that it wasn’t where I had been looking for SO long. Maybe you’ve been looking there too.
Yep, your peace is NOT in the future.
That’s what the voice will have you believe though. Keep looking. Keep envisioning. Keep vision boarding. Keep…. You name it.
You might get a temporary hit of excitement, kinda like that daydreaming you do when you think of what you’ll do when you win the lottery, but it never lasts, right? Never long enough to make a difference.
Which you then need something to fill that need for peace with. Another self-help book, another yoga class, another…. Fill in the blank.
I think of how many books have been written to keep us searching for what that voice tells us we’re missing.
“NOPE. Not it. Keep searching,” it says.
I have spent this entire year figuring out that my peace… my TRUE happiness… is NOT in the future. (or the past).
It’s inside me. NOW.
The answers to ALL the questions about whether or not I believe or don’t believe this voice telling me I’m not good enough has NOTHING to do with where my peace is.
“Seek and do not find” is the motto of what is behind this voice. It keeps us spinning and spinning in circles, till we’re dizzy with sadness and doubt.
When ALL along, the answer to what we’re looking for, is INSIDE us.
I know… you might be thinking “but Kerilyn, how can my peace be inside me now when I don’t have what I want?”
Let me ask you, ‘Do you want to be at PEACE… or do you want what you want?”
Two different things, my friends.
If you keep searching for what you want, outside of you, you will always hear the voice telling you that you’ll never be good enough to get it and if you do get it… it’ll tell you you’ll mess it up at some point.
But PEACE is just that. Peaceful.
PEACE is not money.
PEACE is not a new car.
PEACE is not a disease free body or world without violence.
It’s the ANSWER to Lao Tzu’s image above, It’s what you want but don’t know it. It’s at the center of your being but we’ve been brainwashed to believe it’s outside of our grasp.
Somewhere… out there, like my adorable mouse friend Fievel, in the movie, An American Tail sings.
You don’t need ANYTHING in order to be at peace.
Not a new Kundalini teacher or meditation practice.
It’s WHO YOU ARE.
Now with regards to knowing what being at peace is like… I know you do.
Think of a time when everything in life was OKAY. Maybe you were driving down a street and you remember thinking “Man, everything is so awesome right now.” Nothing is wrong, everything is as it should be.
Maybe the light from the sun setting was just right.
Maybe the music was soft. Wind hitting your hair.
Yea, all those outside factors were working in conjunction, but I want you to focus on how you FELT.
I KNOW you know what that feeling of peace feels like. It’s just not something we think we can feel all the time..
More of a “Once in a Blue Moon” kinda moment.
But what if that moment was ALL the time?
Want to challenge the voice you hear, the next time you find yourself searching outside yourself for the next best thing?
Start to practice NO MATTER WHAT.
NO MATTER if I get the job or not, cannot affect my decision to remember that moment of feeling at peace.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, it doesn’t change that I can be okay where I am.
NO MATTER WHAT THE DIAGNOSIS, I can choose the peace inside me.
NO MATTER what money I have, I have what it takes to bring myself back to a moment of feeling at peace.
Here is the kicker and I REALLY want you to hear me. (Do me a favor, shut off your music and say this out loud in your head right now)
The voice will NEVER stop trying to get me to look outside myself.
No matter how many times you feel that blissful moment of peace, it will ALWAYS try to jump in and throw you off.
Don’t be surprised.
It will try by everything it can to keep you from feeling peaceful.
It doesn’t mean you stop going after your desires. No, keep going for them, but just do them NOT thinking “If I do this/get this/achieve this, then…. I’ll be happy.”
Finding happiness…. Out there… is the voices playground and it knows you ALWAYS want to play.
No. It just means that while you’re attempting to achieve and do and get what you want, that you can and always CHOOSE to remember to be peaceful.
Remember what you REALLY want inside is to be at peace. You THINK you’ll find that when you achieve X,Y or Z, but rarely does that feeling last, even if you DO get what you want.
It only tells you you want MORE. More… out there.
The ONLY answer is that the answer to what you’re looking for is already inside you.
It’s been there ALL ALONG and it’s never going to go anywhere else.
YOU have the answer to what you’ve been looking for.
Actually, you ARE the answer to what you’ve been searching for.
YOU. All along.
Finally, I don’t want you reading this thinking “That’s it? She’s going to tell us this and then leave us?” No. If you ever want some help reminding yourself what the REAL answer to everything you’ve been looking outside yourself to find, message me. I’d LOVE to remind you where I know the answers been, all this time.
Actually, I’d LOVE nothing else but to remind you.
Be at peace.