A subtle refining: How your daily actions reveal what you believe you deserve

Guest post by Mara Glatzel for Oh, these Wild Women: Stories from the tribe

Ocean Yoga, originally uploaded by Rhys Asplundh

I believe that life consists of the subtle-refining of what it is that we, individually and collectively, believe that we deserve on a daily basis, and the ways in which we permit that sense of deserving to cultivate our waking reality.

I believe that in my bones. I apply it to my life. I apply it to my clients’ lives.

And yet, recently I found myself overwhelmingly curious about this question:

What are the subtle ways that you are undermining yourself on a daily basis?

This question rocked me in a place where I hadn’t yet realized I was participating in a series of old rituals, enacting my old negative self talk of being unworthy, unlovable, and undeserving. I hadn’t realized it, because those rituals felt so loving and cozy – I hadn’t had the heart to deprive myself of their perceived comfort.

Then all at once I realized: It is not deprivation to uplevel your habits to match your belief in deserving a beautiful life. It is not deprivation to allow those habits that no longer serve you to be cast off in your wake as you take loving strides towards your best self.

It is necessary.

With those words, I lovingly opened the folds of my heart to examine the MULTITUDE of ways that I was undermining by best potential. Daily. Weekly. Within the context of my relationships, in my interaction with food, and in the way that I responded to money.

If we believe, truly – in our core and guts – that we deserve the best possible life that we can imagine for ourselves, why is it that we permit less than deserving habits to lurk around the edges, stunting us and keeping us small?

What I want for my life is this: an astounding, non-artificial surplus of energy, delicious sleep nightly, abundant hydration, passionate sex, gratifying work and the ability to comfortably provide for my family doing things that light me up and make me feel whole.

This may seem lofty, but we can and should be in the business of actualizing our lofty, out-of-touch dreams. I do not believe that anything is out of reach once you open yourself up to the possibility of its existence.

Once you open yourself up.

Once you permit that big dream to permeate each and every action that you take on a daily basis – from choosing the thread-count of your sheets to making investment decisions to cooking yourself lunch – you are expanding your breadth for success and preparing yourself for the eventual reality of those big dreams coming true.

However, like the subtle refining of what we believe we deserve, we must be inspectors and instigators, carefully paying attention to the ways that we might be holding ourselves back or keeping ourselves small. The patterns that we might be unconsciously repeating. The toxic relationships that we assume are grandfathered in, and out of our control. The food choices that render us bloated and lethargic. The wild spending of money that we don’t have.

The great truth is: Everything is under our control. We are living our lives through a series of choices that we’ve made based on what we believe we deserve.

How does your daily life reflect your core beliefs about yourself and your experience in the world? Are you happy? Are you fulfilled?

If not, how might you begin to make the small changes that bring you back to yourself, to your core and to your deepest sense of purpose?

What choices might your best self make? What would they eat for dinner? How might they dress? What might they do to earn a living?

Permit yourself the courage to dig deep, and more fully uncover the layers of your relationship with your life. This does not need to be tedious or frightening, look at your habits through the lens of radical compassion applied to your daily activity and your experience on the planet. Permit yourself the gift of tenderness so often reserved for others when recalibrating your activities to better echo your enhanced sense of deserving.

Welcome your big dreams even when you fear their arrival, for you are ready for them now.

Mara Glatzel is a self-love coach + clinical social worker, and she works with women who are ready to create the lives they want — and deserve.

She also a writer, and her blog — Medicinal Marzipan — has inspired thousands of women to heal their relationships with their bodies, and learn to treat themselves with relentless compassion.

Catch up with her on Facebook and Twitter for daily rabble-rousing.
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