I never mention what I do. To anyone. At least I didn’t anyway. Whenever I’m around someone new I would automatically become nervous because I knew that dreaded question was coming.
So what do you do? Tell me more about you.
I would FREAK OUT over this question. All in my head of course. I worried about what my new acquaintances would think about what I did. I thought they would think I was silly. I believed they would just see me as some crazy hippy woman. I didn’t want to be criticized for my beliefs and I definitely didn’t want to be criticized for what I felt I was put on this earth to do.
So I wouldn’t tell them. “I don’t do anything * laugh * I’m just a college kid.” That was always my answer. I don’t do anything. And after talking about my not doing anything I would quickly try to move the conversation far, far, away from me and all that I did not do.
I wasn’t comfortable being myself and a lot of things suffered for that. I was telling the universe that I did nothing. That I was nothing. And with that my creativity fell. I stopped writing as much. I stopped working as hard on my Etsy shop. I didn’t have the desire to make mala beads as much. I slowly began to fade into the background. I had not yet realized what was going on, and I began to feel like people hated my work because they weren’t looking at it anymore.
It took a while for me to connect my lack of confidence in myself with my lack of drive and determination. It wasn’t until I began talking to Sandi that I realized I did this to myself. I have control of my success and I gave that control away.
In knowing that I gave away control of my success I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew then that if I gave away that control I could get that control back. The way the path is paved is by the steps that I alone take.
I decided to get behind the wheel again. I set a schedule for working on new pieces, and I finally set a blogging schedule for myself. I’ve been writing down every single idea for new products and have been slowly fleshing them out. I constantly remind myself that this is my path and if I put in the work, continue to believe in myself, and let others help me, there is no reason why my dreams cannot become a reality.
So what happens when people ask me that dreaded question now?
I tell them what I do.
I am an artist. I create mala beads that bring joy to people’s lives. I use my writing as a way to help people open up their hearts and feel more awesome about who they are. And I’m also in college learning all about studying people. I hope to use the skills I learn in to go out and help change our communities. I hope to people get people off the streets, lessen neighborhood crime, and I want to go to women’s shelters and help them feel empowered again so that they get back on their feet.
I am a big dreamer, but dreaming big is part of who I am.
What about you?