I never mention what I do. To anyone. At least I didn’t anyway. Whenever I’m around someone new I would automatically become nervous because I knew that dreaded question was coming.
So what do you do? Tell me more about you.
I would FREAK OUT over this question. All in my head of course. I worried about what my new acquaintances would think about what I did. I thought they would think I was silly. I believed they would just see me as some crazy hippy woman. I didn’t want to be criticized for my beliefs and I definitely didn’t want to be criticized for what I felt I was put on this earth to do.
So I wouldn’t tell them. “I don’t do anything * laugh * I’m just a college kid.” That was always my answer. I don’t do anything. And after talking about my not doing anything I would quickly try to move the conversation far, far, away from me and all that I did not do.
I wasn’t comfortable being myself and a lot of things suffered for that. I was telling the universe that I did nothing. That I was nothing. And with that my creativity fell. I stopped writing as much. I stopped working as hard on my Etsy shop. I didn’t have the desire to make mala beads as much. I slowly began to fade into the background. I had not yet realized what was going on, and I began to feel like people hated my work because they weren’t looking at it anymore.
It took a while for me to connect my lack of confidence in myself with my lack of drive and determination. It wasn’t until I began talking to Sandi that I realized I did this to myself. I have control of my success and I gave that control away.
In knowing that I gave away control of my success I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew then that if I gave away that control I could get that control back. The way the path is paved is by the steps that I alone take.
I decided to get behind the wheel again. I set a schedule for working on new pieces, and I finally set a blogging schedule for myself. I’ve been writing down every single idea for new products and have been slowly fleshing them out. I constantly remind myself that this is my path and if I put in the work, continue to believe in myself, and let others help me, there is no reason why my dreams cannot become a reality.
So what happens when people ask me that dreaded question now?
I tell them what I do.
I am an artist. I create mala beads that bring joy to people’s lives. I use my writing as a way to help people open up their hearts and feel more awesome about who they are. And I’m also in college learning all about studying people. I hope to use the skills I learn in to go out and help change our communities. I hope to people get people off the streets, lessen neighborhood crime, and I want to go to women’s shelters and help them feel empowered again so that they get back on their feet.
I am a big dreamer, but dreaming big is part of who I am.
What about you?
You so hit it with this one!!!!!
I remember this even from before I worked from home as a coach. I was a stay at home mom, a freaking hard job, and I would say, “I’m just home with the kids right now.” JUST!!!!!
I love how you talk about equal strength giving away control and getting it back. So powerful.
I for one am so joyful you are who you are and you do what you do. Can’t wait to see all the beauty that comes of it!
Being a mama is tough work! Definitely not just at home! You are a powerhouse.
Having that realization is really what pulled it all together for me. We always have a choice.
I appreciate your kind words and support. Thank you for all that you are.
That’s awesome, Dyamond. It is so, so important to have a clear vision of ourselves. Not just for explaining what we do when people ask, but so we feel we have a purpose, and a purpose worth pursuing!
I recently started experimenting with a new identity/label for myself: cosmic word dj & radical poet. It’s daring, (and I’m still a bit nervous about it, to be honest), but it fits me better than anything else I could come up with right now. I make observations about the world around me–I always have. I want to make it better by helping people connect personal/relationship conflicts with societal/worldly conflicts. I want to inspire awe and curiosity. I write poetry/prose/thoughts/ideas/stories in order to express myself.
I see myself as a lot of things, and there are a lot of things I want to do in life. (Other than writing, I’d like to help build transformational tools on the web, make films, start a nonprofit, etc.) Ultimately, at my core, I consider myself a poet. (And I think I may even begin to introduce myself as such. Why the fuck not, right?) I view the world in a poetic way, and I like spreading such an outlook through my writing.
Anywho, it’s sooooo nice to know I’m not the only one who dreams big.
Sometimes I feel like a crazy person, wanting to dream/do so much. But I can’t help it
~
xoxo,
Allyssa
I love your new title. I think it sounds badass! Own it!
I think you’re amazing and very inspiring. There is no reason why we can’t do what we want and present ourselves in the way that we truly are.
I think more people dream big than we think.
Wonder what would happen if us big dreamers stopped hiding.
Maybe you are crazy, I definitely know that I’m crazy, but who say’s being crazy is a bad thing?
Much love to you Allyssa!
thank you.
Labels suck
You have given us a voice.
Thank you
Labels do suck much agreed.
Thank you for being here <3
I liked reading this, Dyamond. It’s awesome to see you standing strong in your awesomeness. Keep dreaming big my friend
I will! Thanks Daniel! Keep shining bright <3
i believe in you
I believe in you too
I can SO relate to this! I dream of being a writer, making my living full-time from my words, but I find it difficult to imagine myself with that label. I hesitate to tell people what my dreams are. I think they’ll judge me, tell me it’s not a proper job, recommend that I start living in the real world. I clearly have a lot of my own preconceptions about what I want to do! But, like you, I’m a huge dreamer. And I’m starting to see that dreams can potentially come true…
The label doesn’t matter Rebecca. It’s the act of doing those things that matter. So go out and write with all your heart and let your passion fuel you. You can do it I know you can! And it doesn’t matter what they think. They aren’t the ones living your life. You are. You always have a choice. Don’t give other people your power. You can do whatever you set out to accomplish
What a gorgeous message, thank you!
“They aren’t the ones living your life… Don’t give other people your power.”
You’re so right!
I’m currently in the process of digging deep, uncovering my gremlins and trying to work out why I’m so afraid of being judged, and how I can get over that fear. It’s inspiring to see people like you defying convention and following your passions!
Dyamond: This is such a well written post! Being comfortable being yourself (really being yourself) is sooo important, and drives so much in our lives.
I LOVE your etsy shop, by the way. I’m in Tampa, and I teach yoga part time. We’re practically neighbors.
Ah we are practically neighbors! That’s awesome! Maybe if we’re ever in the same place we can grab a bite to eat
Thank you so much Stephanie for your kind words. Being comfortable with ourselves is important. It’s the only way we’re going to do follow our hearts
Oh this is SO good. THANK YOU!!
And to answer your question…
I am a multi-media artist, interfaith mistier, yoga teacher and passionate builder of community.
(And I too have finally created a production calendar for myself. Oh my goodness. I cannot even believe how much I am LOVING spreadsheets right now!!)
Love + Light…
~Erin
Erin, kick ass! That’s great! I want to be a yoga teacher someday too, and a passionate builder of community. Hopefully I’ll be adding those to my list quite soon
As much as I hate structure, I do admit having those things really do help!
Much Love!
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