Sometimes, things fall apart.
We’ve all been there and we’ve all tried to fight to keep those things from falling apart.
We fight for so many reasons: to keep things that feel familiar, to protect ourselves, to protect our way of life, because we think we should fight, from a sense of ownership or pride or stubbornness.
It turns into a game of tug of war, something we cling to, a rope we keep clenched inside of our fists. We say, No I am right, you are wrong. We say, This is how things should be. We say, I will win at all costs.
There are some costs not worth paying.
It’s not about winning or losing, but doing what you know is best for you, even if other people don’t understand or approve – maybe especially when other people don’t understand or approve.
You listen to the whisper in your heart and your gut that says it’s not worth it anymore.
But what is? What is worth it, what matters?
Q: Does the game of tug of war matter?
A: No.
So why do we stay so emotionally invested in it – both sides fighting, both sides stubbornly clinging to the rope, both sides wanting to claim the victory of being right or being seen as right.
It becomes more a habit and point of pride than anything else.
Q: What matters?
A: Being happy
Sometimes that answer can be so hard to find – it gets buried underneath all of the things that we’re told matters and that we think should matter, but when all of that falls away, the only thing that matters is being happy.
What makes you happy? What are you ready to let go of? What do you want to stop fighting?
A few weeks ago I resigned from my job.
It was a choice, and out of all of the options laid in front of me, it was the best choice available, the only choice I knew would make me happy.
I could’ve stayed, yes, but the situation would’ve remained toxic and I would’ve remained unhappy. There was no happy ending with this one, and I wanted that happy ending here for such a long time.
I’m learning that it’s not a sign of defeat if you put the rope down, if you just let go and stop fighting.
And I don’t want to fight anymore.
I’m scribbling this letter to you in a notebook, to be typed and formatted and prettied-up this afternoon. It’s Sunday morning, I rolled out of bed, grabbed my notebook and camera and $2 for a medium-sized coffee from the coffeehouse by the beach. I’m sitting on a bench on the boardwalk, barefoot. The sun is warm, the ducks are loud, the fog is burning off.
I’m happy. I’m also overwhelmed and scared and excited, teary-eyed and wondering what the hell I’m going to do. A part of me is so utterly terrified about what will happen next, but my decision was the right one, I trust this, I trust in this.
I’m 33 and starting over – and you know how much I love tabula rasa. I have this rare and beautiful opportunity to recreate and redefine my life.
I’m grateful, I am so grateful.
I’m scared, I am so scared.
I’m happy, I am so happy.
Here’s to turning pages, starting new chapters and starting over. Here’s to being utterly terrified and scared and breathing through it and with it. Here’s to turning lemons into lemonade and turning that frown upside down. Here’s to trusting, to crying, to believing, to hoping, to listening to the quiet whisper in your gut and your heart that says it’s just not worth it anymore.
Here’s to putting the rope down, this game of tug of war is over.
Roots of She is a collection of true stories & tender wisdom — for women, by women.
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*love* GO. YOU.
(so inspiring!)
You! You make me smile. ♥
Oh, I know this tug well. Sending you SO much love!
Thank you, Anna! Your support means so much to me. ♥
<3
♥
much love to you darling…thank you for this post, because it is real and raw and you *understand*. i too JUST resigned from my day job this weekend…part of my inner angst and lostness. it was something that needed to be let go. thinking of you in this beautiful transition. i know we are going to be better than ok.
Word to that, love, we’re gonna be golden. xox
I just put a rope down myself and couldn’t articulate how I felt about it. Thank you Jenn as always for speaking from your heart. In the few weeks that I’ve known you, you have really lifted me. I am so grateful.
Gwen! Thank you so much, your words touch my heart, know that. ♥
Kissing your rope-burnt hands, here’s to healing sister. <3 Love you so big, brave you. <3
Love you, sister, thank you for being my sounding board and holding my hand in all of this. Yes. ♥
You’ve got this, Jenn. Cheering for you!
Thank you!
Go Jenn. Here is to embracing the new, working through fear, and living whole-heartedly.
xo
Oh yes, B, you are so speaking my language. Sending you tons of love. ♥
Sending you loving support, arms full of compassion and a bright light to shine on you throughout your journey. Blessings.
Erin, thank you, so much. xoxo
So exciting! You will look back on this moment so fondly & see yourself as brave. Can’t wait to see what wonderful amazing things you have in store for you.
Thank you, Amanda!
You are incredible. So excited for you and for what is ahead….
Aw, Viv! Thank you for believing in me. ♥
Sending you love, dear Jenn – and much strength to see you through these wildly exciting and scary times. Here’s to starting over. *Cheers*.
Sending love right back to you – and yes, yes, here’s to starting over. ♥
I resigned last week too!~~From the school board where I’ve been a teacher for the past 16 years, although I’ve spent most of the last 8 years on Maternity Leave.
I raise cup of tea to you, darling, (with Frankincense in it, of course)! Here’s to new opportunities, joy-filled days, freedom to choose and overwhelming abundance for the taking.
I love you, sweet one. You continue to inspire me.
Joy!
Hey Patti!
That’s incredible, I’m super excited for you – you’ve been working towards this for so long.
Mmmm, frankincense, yummo! I’m totally going to put some in my next mug of tea, thank you for the reminder, hee!
Sending you tons of love and buckets of belief. ♥
Loving you LARGE. xo
Loving YOU! xox
I recently took that leap and put down that rope. It is very worth it and full of good surprises and breathing room. You got this.
Thank you, Cija. ♥
You go Jenn. Way to trust.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got your back. Here’s to new beginnings. xoxo
Darrah! I know you know how I feel, your email made me smile. Sending you so much love. ♥
You are amazing, Jenn, and amazing people have wonderful things happen to them. This is just a side door exit onto your new path. Good luck to you, sister, and I look forward to following along with your new adventures. Love <3 to you
Thank you, Kelly, your words mean so much to me. ♥
Good for you! Making a change that makes you happy is always the best move, and the amazing thing is that everything will sort itself out.
I made a career change almost 3-1/2 years ago after dedicating more than a decade to another career. Everyday since I left my first career, I have been happier and more fulfilled than any day before.
Enjoy this time of change, journal, take notes, and write out your dreams. In a few years you will go back and read them and smile at how far you have traveled and how good it has been as well.
Good luck, Liz
I was laid off from a from a position in which I was very unhappy about three and a half years ago, and it was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I realize that I wasn’t the one to take action, and that my hand was forced, but I had wanted to leave and pursue my current path and I elected to do that rather than look to be rehired in a position similar to the one I had lost. It was frightening but freeing, and so very right. Good luck to you.
I just resigned too. My last day is in two days. I have a lot of body/mind healing to do and I’ve had to swallow a lot of pride and accept financial help to do it… and it’s really, really hard. Much harder than I thought. This is just what I needed to read and I am so grateful to you for posting and sharing.
Thank you for being so honest and raw. What you’re brought to, you will be brought through. Here’s to leaving the past in the past and walking chin up into the future! Walk forward into the light and be the beautiful you you’re supposed to be, Jenn. Peace be with you.
Starting over can be exhilarating and terrifying all at once. I’ve recently started over too. I can’t wait for my new life to begin.
Wow. Divine timing. Seconds before reading this, I resigned from a temporary job that provided abundant income but took my presence completely away from creating my heart whispers through my online work. Thank you for sharing this wonderful, quite symbolic, affirmation
I made the same hard decision two times and each time it was so scary I could barely breath but, I knew it was the right thing to do and guess what? It was! It removed me from situations that weren’t aligned with my purpose and put me on the right path. It payed off big time! Trust and it will all work out and congratulations on putting yourself first.
xo
Thank you Jen for your brave action and post about it this morn. I too have been playing the tug of war game and this touched my heart and soul. I have just sold my business of 8 years where I could live out my passion, but wasn’t able to really support myself financially. I am looking for a new direction for a career, and am leaving a marriage of 18 years after we both have decided not to play the tug of war game any longer. So, I am also looking for a new place to live. So thank you for this inspiration. I know , just like you, that it’s the right thing to do, but it doesn’t shake you to the core any less. I know that you too are going to land on your feet running in the new direction that you are meant to go. Blessings.
Wonderful ~ You Beautiful, Brave Soul! Thank you for sharing this…
Here’s to being happy!
I’ve just now had time to catch up and read this post. And the timing is uncanny. I spent quite a bit of time last night thinking on this very idea. I’ve had such a hard time letting go of the rope. I want so much for it to end the way I picture it in my head. But, if I’m totally honest with myself, 6 years is long enough for it to work out. And it hasn’t, and it won’t. Time to drop the rope, coil it up nice and neat, and put it away. I needed to hear this message.
Thank you for sharing this here with us. I am happy for you as you begin this next chapter. I think you will rock it! Because you are the real thing. xo
i admire you for resigning- for taking the action that was needed for you to get out of a toxic environment. i wish you all the best as you “start over”.
the environment i worked in was also toxic. i did not have the courage to leave. fortunately, my boss made the decision for me & eliminated my position. i was freed from fear– it was awesome. i too am starting over and the discovery process has been grand. thank you so much for sharing your story! xo