I’m going to tell you a secret … I am weird. And you know what else? I love being weird.
I’ve never “ﬁt in.” When I was in school I had friends from pretty much every “group.” I had friends who smoked on the corner during lunch, I had friends who wore only name brand clothes, I had friends who hung out in the band room, and friends who partied all weekend long. I never really knew how to deﬁne myself, and I never really tried. I just knew that I didn’t “ﬁt” into a certain place.
Right after high school I got married, moved out of my parents house (yes in that order, I’ve never lived on my own) and set up home with my new husband. We had friends who were older than me because he was older than I. One of the other wives that I became close with and I were chatting on the phone one day. She said to me “I was talking to Elizabeth* and she said she remembered you in high school. She said you were weird.” At the time the words stung, I wanted to conform but I just couldn’t and didn’t, still after leaving school and the passing of time.
However as my life as shifted, my relationships changed and my true self become more clear, I am now very thankful for those words. Because they were truth.
When I looked up the word weird in the dictionary I found this:
ORIGIN Old English wyrd ‘destiny,’ of Germanic origin. The adjective (late Middle English) originally meant ‘having the power to control destiny’
Weird means “having the power to control destiny?”
Um, yes please I want some of that.
I am not sure exactly when the shift occurred, when I started feeling more comfortable in my skin. It’s been a continual process for sure but one full of beauty and release.
If it’s weird to want my home to be only full of things that I love and not to own a microwave, I’ll be weird. If it’s weird to want to wear skirts instead of jeans, or to shave my head, I’ll be weird. If it’s weird to prefer thrift store clothes over Dillard’s, then I’ll be weird. If it’s weird to want to spend all day with my kids and to laugh at dirty jokes then I’ll be weird. If it’s weird to sell everything that I own, move into a 350 square feet RV and fall in love with the open road, then I’ll be weird. If it’s weird to stand in a marriage that crumbled around me and then to pick up the shards and rebuild, then I’ll be weird.
The really amazing thing about being weird is that my weird isn’t the same as yours. Your weird list may look the complete opposite of mine, and that would be awesome. Only you can be ‘your’ weird. And right now you may not know what your weird really looks like. Or you may have a tiny inkling but be unsure of how deep or wide your weirdness goes.
Why not embrace the possibility of ‘having the power to control destiny’. Mmmm, just the thought of it makes me want to hug my weird self and discover more weirdness in this world.
The Weird Girl
*not her real name. I believe in kindness.