I learned a few weeks ago that gratitude is a close relative to forgiveness. Once expressed these two cousins both offer their own flavor of transformation. Thank goodness! I was getting sick from the built up gratitude in my heart. The yet-to-be-expressed sentiments for kindness that served as oxygen to me had not exhaled.
It’s not that I hadn’t felt gratitude. I’d written thank you notes to incredibly kind folks in my head. The letters became like notes I’d meant to pass on to my friends in fourth grade but found months later in my backpack. Deeply creased, dusty, stained, and late, but no less heartfelt and no less true. The origami of gratitude sat like cranes that never flew, never delivering their message.
It was too late, or so I thought. I’d slipped into ‘this is beyond embarrassing’ territory having envisioned grand and decadent expressions of thanks met by little to no external action. Gratitude had overwhelmed my heart but too often not spilled over into proper expression. Even so, it had been there and still was. That’s when I learned that unexpressed gratitude must be exhaled for us to ever fully take a breath it in again.
But really, I was starting to feel like a jerk. So many gestures, words, offers and acts of kindness had crossed my threshold of new motherhood, new projects, encouragement, gifts, and so on. I was blessed with showers of kindness over the year (well, a year-plus). And I was letting that get tainted internally by guilt and self-loathing around it. I was so behind and didn’t think I could ever catch up. I was embarrassed.
But ‘thank you’ has no expiration date.
Thank goodness!
Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to do what we can from where we’re at. The vision we have might be getting in the way of getting the fundamental task done. We get in our own way. Even with something as simple as ‘thank you’. Why? Because we want it to be profound and forget it’s that the bottom line is what matters, even beyond our well-intentioned notions of grandeur.
I leaned into my acknowledgement- 1000 paper cranes from my heart, all in a deep bow letting these incredible souls know the impact they made on me. And within the folds of the cranes was deep gratitude that soared, thanking them for words, gestures and the kindness that had stolen my breath at times and been oxygen to my soul.
This works for other radical, life-shifting expressions and sentiments too- as long as they are sincere and authentic. The aforementioned forgiveness, love, condolences, empathy, kindness, and many more emotionally intelligent super heroes are ready for us to call upon them. Even when we feel like it might be too late, they are ready to free us from the emotional traps (from binds to prisons) we have placed ourselves. When we realize their power is perhaps changed but not diminished by time, we can fully live in the essence of forgiveness, love, condolences, empathy, kindness and now for me, gratitude.
We feel powerful emotions deeply. And until they are expressed they are a tourniquet on our hearts and that pressure builds. I invite you to let it flow. You’ve done the work, held the sentiment, now put it out into the world. See what happens.
Let the fog of unexpressed sentiment and feeling lift. Even at times if it can be quite beautiful inside, it is still a veil between you and the rest of the world. And one between you and letting those cranes soar.
And there is more to come from my gratitude. Perhaps the greatest gifts to acknowledge and thank. In the interim, know that gratitude fills my heart. And it is on its way to you.
What needs to come from your heart? What is ready? What is being tainted by time or embarrassment that it has yet to be expressed?
It’s not too late. It never is. Let it soar.
I agree, it is never too late to express gratitude.
To express my gratitude to all your wonderful posts, I have nominated your Blog for the Sunshine Award
http://nikkysstrengthandweakness-nikky44.blogspot.com/2012/04/sunshine-award.html
What a wonderful way to honor Roots of She and Jenn, Nicky! How lovely of you!
I LOVE this, Randi… and the exquisite image it conjures for me… 1000 paper cranes from my heart. Yes, yes, I too have held the gratitudes, the reaching out to others, so long that it builds a new layer if holding back… just as you describe.
Flocked with your image… I am going to send some out today. Thank you so much for your inspiration.
You are most welcome, Kathleen! I’m glad the images conjured up spoke directly to you. We let time become a barrier. Not anymore
This is a beautiful reminder, Randi. We should never let our gratitude and appreciation for others go unexpressed. Thank you
This is beautiful, and o-so-true. Release that Gratitude into the world on butterfly wings. No matter how much time has flowed between your first thought of it and today, it will be a delight when it is received.
Thank you for all you do in the world, my friend. I’m richer for knowing you.
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Thanks Randi. And do you think writing out gratitudes (like a daily list) helps to ‘get it out there’ even if (and particularly if) through circumstances or even our own shyness we aren’t able to say it in person?
mj.x
Great question, Melissa. I think gratitude is an invocation (some might say a prayer). Those never go unheard and still have an impact on the world as will writing your gratitudes as you describe. So yes, that would get it out there. But I do think we miss an opportunity.
I think about all the times I felt like I had not made a difference and/or was not seen, only to find out later that indeed I had made a world of difference for someone. Having known that would really have changed where emotionally at that time. We never know the impact our comment or words will have on someone. Even if it seems obvious to us, it might well be life changing for them.
I do wonder what might be transformed in shyness by letting gratitude be a vehicle for reaching out to someone. To be told thank you directly, for the impact you’ve had, is a powerful thing, as is doing the telling. My hope for you is to experience both of those. Even if it’s not told face to face, a letter, a drawing, a note, all deliver the same message.
I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on what might make this easier, or what might be possible in sharing your gratitude. You’re welcome to do that here, or email me directly: randi at randibuckley dot com
Thank YOU.
Randy – I have a note that’s been sitting in my heart. A letter to my great aunt’s family. Nothing much just some memories I want to share. She’s been gone close to two years now and the letter keeps writing itself in my head when I think of her. Time to put it down on paper.
Lovely, Christine. I bet it will feel like a gift to her family and to you. Thank you for your comment.
Randi, this is beautiful. Just this morning we were talking to our eight year old son all about being grateful and appreciating what he has access too. Its hard explaining these deep things to a little boy, but its never to early or two late to start expressing our gratitude & appreciation. We actually have a family ritual before or during dinner we go around the table saying out loud what we are grateful for that day. Love this!
How wonderfully said. I cannot recall how many times I have thought “Oh – I so meant to tell them, to thank them, to just say…” and how it sits heavy feeling like a task undone. The magic tainted – just as you say – by the fact that the feeling hasn’t been released. Remembering that there is no expiration is so freeing!
WOW! So true, so loving and so beautiful. Sometimes it is hard to get over OURSELVES and get pass us into gratitude and even harder to forgive. Thank you so deeply for this reminder. Thank you is never too late and has no expiration date! Sharing!