Mine to Give by Danette Relic
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I love to personalize things and make them my own. I highly recommend finding more and more ways to express your individuality in day to day life. When we personalize our lives we resonate and hum like juicy little guitars slinking through the city, taking pleasure in our very being. It’s delightful. But not only is it delightful, it’s powerful; when we take action from a place of personal resonance we make choices that are meaningful. We make commitments we can sustain, because they are honouring something we value. Something we actually want to show up for.
Self-care is one arena where I think it is crucial to personalize your practice. The whole point of self-care is to give yourself the gift of nurturing. Why not something thoughtful and personal? It’s a treat for you, after all. Why default to bath salts from the discount bin?
How I Discovered My Own Style of Self-Care
Once I was really feeling a call to pay better attention to my health. I immediately began rhyming off a list of self-care tasks I “should” be doing and scribbling down a game plan that frankly, wasn’t very exciting. I’ll tell you this right now: “should”, rarely motivates me into action. And even though I know better, I still find myself doing the “should” dance quite often.
It’s kind of cute really.
When I caught myself “should-ing” on my self-care parade I slowed down and asked myself a much more important question: How do I want to feel?
Oh easy. Light. Strong. Sexy Joyful. Buoyant. Juicy. Alive. Long. Cat-like. Playful. Clean. Tall. Healthy. Vibrant.
Sounds wonderful. So Danette, what kinds of things make you feel that way?
Oh easy. Getting up early and stretching around in bed while Some Kind of Magic by Queen plays on my alarm clock. A protein heavy breakfast, like leftover tenderloin and fresh fruit. Washing my hair in mandarin patchouli shampoo. A new bra. Re potting my houseplants. Having sex. Dancing at a club to industrial music. Making art. Singing along with my stereo. Cleaning the bathroom to a glowing lavender splendor. Napping in the sun. Hula hooping with my girlfriends. Laughing. Nia. Yoga.
Oh wait, I see what’s happening.
It’s about what makes me feel good. I get it now.
You get to make the menu full of feel-good things that you find yummy. That’s it. No self-care Brussels sprouts (or whatever you were told was good for you but left your taste buds frowning. No offense to Brussels sprouts or their fans). You get to make the deliciously custom self-care menu, just for you.
The Spine of My Self-Care Practice
While the items on our menus may change to suit our appetite, I found that there are three important elements that made up the spine of all self-care choices for me, and really helped me discern whether or not I was tending to my true self. These three things are sensuality, pleasure and self-expression.
- Sensuality~ this is the foundation for me. When self-care is guided by my senses it brings me back into my body. When I am nurturing my spirit through the lens of sensuality I feel it integrate into my being. I embody the love I give to myself.
- Pleasure~ self-care is about feeling good. Simple as that. If there is a self-care item on the menu doesn’t feel good then it feels like homework, and I won’t do it. self-care time is about softening, pleasuring, giving myself some love. Pleasure energizes me like nothing else.
- Self-Expression~ being creative is so healing, so incredibly healing. Taking the time to journal, make art or move my body is something that I might resist at first, but it doesn’t take long to fall into that beautiful space of creativity and remember that this is home. I also happen to know that being creative secretly builds confidence in my choices and ability to make change in the bigger picture. And most importantly, it taps me right into self awareness in a way nothing else does. I can see in the creative choices I make (words, images, music, mood, symbols) what is going on under the surface, and then my self-care practice can operate on that deep delicious level that I love so much.
Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with bath salts. I love the ritual of bubble baths. I once got a recipe from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book Romancing the Ordinary for a bath using fresh tangerines and sake. So luxurious! Sometimes I just run baby shampoo under the tap because I love the way it smells.
Why it Matters & How to Brush Guilt Aside
I feel passionately about making self-care as exquisitely loving as I can. I imagine the woman I know I can be when I feel loved, cared for, and empowered for taking wonderful care of myself. I see the woman I am already accepting herself and giving back to the body that gives me so much each day. When I treat myself with sensual care, my mind is clear, my heart is open and my bones feel alive. I am a better friend, lover, coach and a more generous spirit. I know this, but still, sometimes it’s challenging to take time out for myself.
When I have those guilty voices come in telling me that this pampering is all a bit much, I imagine a beloved friend of mine doing this for herself. And in that moment I see how wonderful it is, how she deserves to be cared for and nourished, just for being herself. I look at myself as if I were my own dear friend. Sometimes it’s easier to see how much we all deserve love when we look through another lens.
Oh I want this for you too. It makes me so happy when I hear about other people’s self-care practices and treats they indulge in. I love it.
If you used sensuality, pleasure and self-expression as your guideposts, what new self-care practices would you enjoy? How would your current practices be tweaked if you were asked to turn the volume up on delight? Do share.
Oh Danette… you know sometimes you think the universe is sending you signals to slow down and start looking after yourself better. And then you kind of think, ‘Oh, but I have x,y and z to do this week. And I have a deadline for blah. And then I need to get myself organized before blah, before I catch up on all the things I was *meant* to do this week and didn’t.’ And so you put your self-care on hold, but you start feeling more and more run down, and the signals from the universe grow more and more obvious…
Let’s just say, your post today is the loudest signal so far, and that I’m listening now, cos I’m weary and numb and my head aches.
Thank you so much for reminding me that self-care doesn’t have to be something else I need to add to my to-do list. That it can be yummy – and that’s kind of the whole point.
Much love to you
Amy
xx
Oh do I know! Ha, signals from the universe increasingly getting louder and louder. Sometimes I can pick up on the whispers, and other times it takes a good clunk over the head
I send your weariness lots of compassion.
And your aches lots of love. xo
Are you asking how we can go from a six to an eight? Or even a nine! =P
One self-care practice I always turn to are hot showers — I’m almost always cold so hot showers feel extra good. One way I could amp up the self-care is… lotion! Let’s see. I love pretty smelling lotions but almost always forget/neglect to put it on.
If I used those things as a starting point for self-care, I would paint or collage more, cook more from scratch, burn more candles.
No reason why I’m not doing these things, time to turn up the volume, yes yes y’all.
Ooooh hot showers! I often forget how wonderful they make me feel until I force myself to march on in there and take one. I love your yummy list of things you might do if you turned up the volume…cooking from scratch by candlelight? Smelling pretty all lotioned up while painting?
No reason not to. I like that.
Yes yes y’all.
You deserve it Jenn.
For me, self care involves taking care of my body/health; self-expression through writing/photos/cooking; and exploring.
These three things feed my soul, and I feel nourished and ready to share my gifts with the world.
I think so many of us experience the guilt you mentioned. Messages from our culture seep in telling us that self-love/self-care is indulgent, “selfish”, or something spoiled people do. It is difficult to defy the lessons we’ve learned.
But, I believe deep in my bones that if we do not care for ourselves first, we cannot truly care for anyone else.
I couldn’t agree more, Glad Doggett. It is so difficult to unlearn that self-love/self-care is for spoiled people. Sounds like you’ve got the truth deep in your bones, and I imagine your bones love you all the more for it.
I love that your self care involves “exploring”! Yes yes yes. There are so many ways to nurture.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. <3
I am missing some of this right now and I feel it’s edges under my skin. I find that my body does not lie to me when I neglect it. I see it, I feel it. The only gift I have been giving myself lately are pedicures (about once every 2 weeks). What I want is to walk, every morning, as the sun rises. I would love to soak in a tub at least once a week with nothing but candles and maybe a great audiobook. I would love to get that sewing machine out that waits for me in the closet. And I would love to get my yoga back
. Thanks for helping me voice this out. My body and spirit thanks you 
. Now, to make it happen….
How beautiful MJ that you can count on your body to communicate so honestly with you. I’m so happy you found yourself here, voicing out your desires for sunrise, sewing, stories in the bath and getting your yoga back.
It sounds delicious. And yes, now to run the bath. Open the closet. Open your eyes to the sun. It’s all there for you.
Namaste. <3
If you used sensuality, pleasure and self-expression as your guideposts, what new self-care practices would you enjoy? How would your current practices be tweaked if you were asked to turn the volume up on delight? Do share.
I definitely want to crank up the volume on delight. Not enough to bother the neighbors…
I would wear more eyeliner. I love it. I love the feeling I get when I apply it or mid-day when I forget I’m wearing it, rub my eye & get my hands musty.
This makes me smile. The delight of a smoky eye. I share your sexy musty delight, sister.
I wonder how much eyeliner it would take to bother the neighbours?
I simply must know where to buy Mandarin Patchouli shampoo because those are my two all time favourite scents. The citrus married to woodsy, love it!
Your self care is wonderful and has me thinking about the involvement of time.
Being more in the moment and saying yes to the moments that beckon when I most need them…instead of working harder to get “whatever-can-wait” done.
I would slow it down, be present in my body, aware. Then I would shampoo my hair for 30 minutes and soak in a hot bath. Purple nail polish. A chick flick. Big glass of red then to bed. Dream.
Yes! Love it. Thanks for this today.
http://www.amazon.com/Natures-Gate-Organics-Mandarin-Patchouli/dp/B001E6UTDM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1304636215&sr=1-1
I hope that link works. Who knew you could buy shampoo through Amazon? Amazing!
I like where you are going with that…finding ways to delight in the moments as they happen, weaving self-care right into the things we are already doing, like washing our hair. Self care not waiting to serve as a reward for hard work, but something we deserve right now. As we are.
Purple nail polish, chick flick and a big glass of red sounds like a delicious way to enter dream land. Do you rewatch old favourites, or find the latest release?
You’re welcome Gillian. Thank you for commenting.
We always think we are ‘too busy’. Too busy, too busy, too busy. Your post was beautiful and a much needed reminder for many in this hectic life of ours. Having two young girls make the excuses even easier to come up with. I vow however to get out of bed 30 minutes earlier, make a great big cup or tea and greet the day in silence and with optimism. I will sit in my porch, or go for a walk by the water, on my own. I will wear my Karma perfume every day. I may even paint my nails every once in a while.
Hello Stephanie,
I’m glad to offer you a much needed reminder. It is so easy to come up with excuses, isn’t it? I applaud your vow to wake up earlier and spend some quality time with you–just you, on the porch, by the water, wearing your Karma perfume for the birds and the sky.
Sending you spaciousness and silence, just for you to enjoy.
oh yes…i love what you have to say here, and totally agree with imagining what i would wish for a friend. when i use that as a guide, i’m all about self care in small moments and relaxed days.
my current go-to scentual reminder is patchouli-sandalwood oil.
Thank you Amy. It’s amazing how clear things become when we think of ourselves as our “friend”. Small moments and relaxed days are such beautiful gifts.
And patchouli-sandalwood oil! One of my favourite grounding scents.
Wishing you much delight in your days.
What a delicious read. Thank you Danette! Lately walking in the woods as the glorious NC Spring bursts forth has been a beautiful way to take care of myself. The sensuality of feeling my body move during yoga and putting lotion on my legs (which I’ve always loved) are other favorites. Thanks so much for the reminder to really BE THERE when I’m taking care of myself.
All the best & brightest to you today,
Chery
Thank you Cheryl. You are very welcome for the reminder. I love how your list includes big sized things like walking in the woods to small sized moments like putting lotion on your legs. All of it sensual, all of it taking sweet care of you.
Wishing brightness and delight to you,
Danette
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