what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.
The thread that’s subtly woven through all of my posts during my stay here at Casa Roots has been this: self-compassion.
One of my favourite books on this topic is Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
She describes a beautifully gentle and wonderfully kind mantra she repeats to herself when life is throwing her a curve ball:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.
In the book, Kristen maintains that recognizing our suffering (or feeling our feelings, even when feeling those feelings isn’t the most fun) is the first step in learning self-compassion.
Pressing on, acting as if nothing has happened is nothing short of an act of emotional violence against the self. But throwing the covers over your head and wallowing in self-pity perfecting your woe-is-me story isn’t what we’re aiming for either.
Your grief, you fear, your boredom, your shame, your envy, your anger have all come knowing at your door with a gift for you.
Deep breath. Open the door and let it in.
Bit by bit, if you have to.
Over years, if that’s what it takes.
With patience, of course.
But please believe me, I know from experience, that turning your back on your feelings never makes them go away.
The message I preach, write about, whisper into the wind is this: we need to get better at feeling, so we can start feeling better.
My prayer, my hope, my yearning and my heart-felt longing for you is that you’ve come to understand that your feelings, all of them, come bearing gifts.
With self-compassion, you are able to choose, to feel, to move forward.