Secret dreams are worth risking the fall

Taking a Risk by Danette Relic

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Risk is a personal thing, because it’s all about what you have to lose and how willing you are to accept the possibility of letting it go.

Risk is a conversation between what you have to gain, and what you have to lose. What are you willing to put on the line in service of that desirable something else? Risk really asks us to look at our priorities, from physical safety to spiritual integrity. Do you speak up when someone has done something that offends what you stand for? Do you jump from a bridge with a bungee cord around your ankle? Do you bring your date to the wedding no matter who disapproves? Do you take circus classes even though you are so much more (insert concern about fitting in) than the rest of the students?

I love risk. Well, I love writing about risk.

When it comes to my dreams and ideals and beliefs and personal safety, risk is pretty much terrifying for me. But that’s the point; if there was no fear, then it doesn’t require courage.

Why Bother with Risk?

Because just under all the itchy icky fear stuff is what our hearts really want. And moving through those layers of resistance to get to what our hearts want is where all the gorgeous growing is. The more gorgeous growing we do, the more our confidence swells and blooms. We can say, yes, this is hard but I’ve been brave before. We can say yes, see this thing here? I took a risk to bring this into my life. I can do this.

We can see how powerful we can be.

And, how vulnerable we are. Because sometimes, when we take a stand, we fall.

That’s the risk. It’s where so much of our beauty quivers.

Explore this with me. I’m going to ask you some questions about what risk you might be leaning into next.

Question One: What do you already have that you are protecting?

This is important.

I’ll share some of mine. Here are just a few of the things I really hesitate to part with:

• my physical body

• peace in my relationships
• some specific and special pieces of clothing and furniture
• my mental and emotional health

What about you? What have you got to lose?

Question Two: What would you love to have more courage for?

Oooh yes. What might, just might, seduce you into loosening your grip on one of those things you are protecting?

Some of mine:

• sensual thrills that bring me a feeling of freedom, such as being in the ocean, riding a motorcycle or an animal

• speaking up around issues of sexism and homophobia
• the commitment it would take to own a dog or cat
• singing in public, speaking in public, most public things
• improv classes

What are yours?

Next Step: Bring on the Haters

The third question is where your fear gets to take the floor. There are all kinds of names for those fear voices we all have (gremlins, inner critics, monkey mind, the saboteur and my new favourite that I heard from ill doctrine’s Jay Smooth–”little haters”). Here is a question that calls them out like the smell of oven fresh cupcakes:

What is the worst thing that could happen?

Go nuts. List them all. Let those little haters and fear monkeys take the mic. The point here is not to scare your pants off, but to let the gremlin voices get out all that they need to say. If you don’t give them the mic, they will be heckling from the audience forever. Just give them the mic. It’s okay.

Now, it’s important to recognize that little haters and fear monkeys have a little crush on exaggerating things. So take these fears in, but process them with a salt block.

Last Call for Secret Dreams

I don’t want to bungee jump because the imagined thrill of free falling does not beat out the imagined fear of hearing the cord snap and plummeting to a less then gentle death. I just don’t want it bad enough. Though I still poke here, because I know fear can be sneaky. I ask myself,

If I died without ever doing this, would I regret not having that experience?

This is how I call out any little secret dreams that might be hiding in my belly. Ask yourself this question and notice if there something tugging at your heart with sad eyes when you do.

I can tell you happily that I have no secret dreams of bungee jumping. None.

I do however, have secret dreams of scuba diving, even though I am terrified of what lies under the ocean. If I die without ever knowing that feeling of moving though the ocean floor, I’d feel like I missed out on something beautiful. I’m nowhere close to being ready for that, but what I do know is that it might be worth the risk one day. Desire needs to catch up to the fear a little more on that one.

Look at How Beautiful this is

You. Trembling with longing. Vulnerable to falling. Bravely taking a stand for your heart. These are the moments we step into who we want to be, even when it’s uncomfortable. This is where we grow. It’s gorgeous. No matter how it turns out, we see our passion answering a call. We’re showing up to our lives.

Tell me where your desire is quickly catching up with your fear. What risk are you leaning into next? It might be days or even years before you are ready. It’s not a race. All you need to do is listen to your secret dreams and lean into them. Your courage will take care of the rest.