How I faced my worst fear in life

Guest post by Sherold Barr for Oh, these Wild Women: Stories from the tribe

Angel’s Haven by Carol Lee

.
Losing a child is a collective “worst” fear of all parents. I watched my own mother suffer through it when my youngest brother Byron was murdered in 2005.

Then, this past February, I experienced my own worst fear when my only child, my 28-year-old son, was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that destroyed his liver. It was a complete shock; he’d been healthy his whole life. The week he was diagnosed we encountered the “T word” for the first time – transplant. Within two weeks we were riding a tidal wave of medical tests and consults. And every mother with whom I came in contact spoke these words, with horror in her eyes, “I just can’t imagine.”

No, I’d never imagined losing my son. Yet, when we learned of his condition, I experienced a powerful sense of knowing that for the previous five years I had been training to be able to handle it. Since my brother’s murder, I’d experienced life-changing personal growth; it led me to incredible teachers and launched me onto my path as business and life coach.

I remembered that Byron Katie teaches the Universe is here to support us; it’s a kind Universe. An example: my son landed in the ER the day before we flew home from a month vacation in Baja. The universe allowed us to rest in preparation for this onslaught.

The mind seeks evidence for anything it believes. Because of this, I began to search for more proof it was a kind Universe. The gifts were everywhere I looked:

1. My son had landed a great job in Portland just five months before, close to my home, and he loved his coworkers and new apartment.

2. His coworkers were very supportive and his job had tremendous health benefits.
3. All our relationships deepened.

Fear and adversity is a school for freedom fighters.

Facing fear and adversity is necessary to open us up to who we’re meant to be. We always have the freedom to choose how we experience these difficult times. We must walk through the fire of that which we fear most to find the gift of gold – the gold that resides in the hell of our past traumatic experiences.

The hero’s myth is the ultimate formula of self-realization: our journey full of life challenges, which we all face with fear. It’s how we face this fear, how we look at these challenges that gives our life meaning.

If we believe bad things always happen to us, then we will find evidence to support that. If we look for the good in the difficult times or the kindness in the Universe, it’s always there.

I watched my son get sicker and sicker. I watched his life force grow dim. My husband, an ER doctor, warned me by the time my son got a liver he would be a week away from death. From the time of diagnosis to getting our first call that a liver was available we endured two long months.

On April 14, he received his liver transplant. The relief was enormous. It was like going to the hospital to give birth.

However, ten days after the transplant, there was a problem with a blood test, which resulted in ultrasounds, Cat scans and we learned he had a rare complication, a blocked artery to his liver. That night during an interventional radiology procedure to try to unblock it, the artery was torn and he was bleeding. He went through an emergency surgery to try to repair and unblock the artery, but in the morning, the artery was still blocked.

I remember my son saying, “Mom, I’m not sure I can go through this again. But I guess since my body has done it once, I can do it, somehow.” And I said, “Yes, your body can do it again.”

On May 10, we got the call that a second liver, an even more perfect liver, was available.

Today he is four-plus months out from this second transplant and his new liver is functioning normally. It cured his genetic disease and he has a second chance at life.

From this experience, I know these things are truth:

• Until we are willing to face the worst thing that could happen to us, we will never be free.

• I am proud to say that in the last six months, I only truly suffered for two weeks when I was “future-tripping” – I had created a future mind-movie and was suffering and worrying. But I was present as much as l could be and I’m proud of that. I stayed with the feelings and rode the waves.
• I’m a freedom fighter. I help women find emotional and financial freedom by doing what they truly want to do. I help them find freedom from their worst fears by helping them remove blockages to their highest success. To become a freedom fighter you must confront your worst fears, research, learn, and take small steps. To go through the fire and be free!
• My son’s health crisis gave me the strength, courage and wisdom to know I can handle anything that comes my way. That is true freedom.
• Our fears and challenges in life are callings for us to step forward in a bigger way in our life. What we fear most could be calling us to our soul’s destiny. This experience confirmed I am following my higher calling, my true work.
• Life is meaningful, no matter our circumstances. Our greatest task is to find that meaning for our life. One way is to practice courage in difficult times, with the bonus of increased self-confidence.
• We must walk through the fire of our fear and adversity to get to the gold: our freedom and happiness.

Yes, I truly I learned all this the hard way: until you’re willing to walk through the fire of your worst fear, you won’t experience the bliss of true freedom.

Sherold Barr a life purpose, business coach + freedom fighter for people who want to find their calling, master their fears + complete the impossible.

She works exclusively with women entrepreneurs who want to create lives of impact + fierce independence.

She believes in pushing past fear to lead an extraordinary life.

You can find out more about Sherold at http://sheroldbarr.com.