A guest post by Randi Buckley for the Creative Harvest series
by Thomas Fuchs, artist
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For years, when I was asked if (or, “when”) I was going to have children my line was usually something like, “it takes a village to raise a child and I’m happy to be a villager”. I wasn’t interested.
Although I was really involved with kids, motherhood was just not something that called to me. Until it did. I tried not to notice. Then, I started to hear the whispers of ‘maybe’ in my heart. Oh my goodness, they got louder. It was a question integral to the heart of who I was and dripping in vulnerability. It was a question I didn’t want to ask but to my surprise, it was begging to be. It scared me to death. But, it’s the unanswered questions that haunt us and the ones given love and consideration that crack us open to the core of who we are.
To become a mother or not is the biggest conversation women aren’t having, yet it’s THE acupressure point for our entire lives. For some women it’s an easy ‘yes’, but even having been entrenched in ‘no’, it’s still loaded with who we are, who we want to be, our professional lives, how we relate to lovers, how we our seen and on and on and so much more. It’s the core of our very identity and walking around with ‘maybe, is a heavy and often lonely question to carry in your heart.
So I took my experience with ambivalence, my personal journey of discovery and developed a coaching process, program and community.
Without judgement or an agenda I hold your hand, hold a mirror to your heart and we move forward toward peace of mind.
“Maybe Baby” is for women who are ambivalent about motherhood but hear the whisper of ‘maybe’ in their heart. The goal of this supported journey is to discover and be at peace with your truth – whatever it may be. I ran the first “Maybe Baby” program this fall and it has blown our minds! The clarity, the truth and the, “WOW! I can’t believe I’m ok with this… wait, I’m GREAT with this because it’s me.”
In Maybe Baby we get to the heart of the matter very quickly, extract fears, let your soul be heard like never before, understand your deeper meaning of this process and get you clarity and relief on the question of motherhood. It’s deep truth through deep compassion, coaching and a community of other women who are exploring the question for themselves.
I’ve sat, mostly alone, with this question bouncing around my head for years. And years. Unlike some women, I never felt I had to be a mother in order to be a real woman. And that made me wonder if, perhaps, that meant motherhood wasn’t for me. I could make as many arguments “for” as “against”. It was exhausting.The exercises Randi took us through didn’t influence me in any way. What happened was something magical – she helped me access what was truly true for me.
No more wondering, no more doubt. I know what I want. And the skills I learned to get to this place are perfect for any other Big Question.
And the little questions too. I am so grateful to Randi and to her Maybe Baby program for bringing me to this most delicious state of peace.
- CG
I resisted looking at the ‘maybe baby’ question for a long time, in part because I thought I knew what my answer was. It had become a stance, but ultimately not my final destination. When I designed my own journey of exploration, which became the basis for “Maybe Baby” I gave myself permission to change my mind and at any point along the way. I ask that you give yourself permission to change your mind. If something is no longer true for you, shed those confines. And know you can continue to shed in the future if something is no longer true for you. I have found that this is key for allowing yourself to look at it with honestly and with an open heart.
the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.
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Robert Louis Stevenson
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“Maybe Baby” starts the week of Feb. 6. In addition to a facilitated journey of coaching, through our forum we form a community to support and explore your heart (to the degree that is comfortable for you) and are joined by a ‘faculty’ of experts who give deeply personal interviews from the perspective of their expertise but also from their own journeys with the ‘maybe baby’ question.
Endorsing, supporting and joining the program are Lissa Rankin MD OB/GYN, Danielle LaPorte, Dara McKinley, Michele Lisenbury Christensen and other experts such as a genetic counselor, sociology professor who researches women’s identity and a financial expert. A few more exciting names are joining this next round too! This is my labor of love- and I’m deeply passionate about it.
The cost of ambivalence is not knowing your heart. I believe we can be at peace with our truth but we have to know what it is before peace rest into the seams of your soul. There are many ways to be a mother (or mama) in this world and mothers or not, we all have important work to do, ways to serve and luscious souls to be. And knowing your truth, and being at peace with it, sets this free. There’s no maybe about that.
Randi Buckley is a storm tamer. She coaches women and partnerships through inner and interpersonal conflict resolution while moving them towards peace with their truth.
She has a trove of certifications and a cadre of degrees but favors her trinity of intuition, wisdom and playful mischief.
And yes, she is a mama.
Connect: Website | Maybe Baby | Facebook
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* I like to be transparent: I’m an affiliate of Maybe, Baby – that means if you register for the course through Roots of She, I’ll receive a small percentage of the sale.
Oh, yes… the Maybe Baby question weighed on me for years. I have crystal clear clarity about it now, but know there are sooo many women who are struggling to decide what’s right for them. I’m so glad you’ve created this program for them, Randi, and what a ROCKIN’ guest faculty you have lined up, too!
I cannot tell you how much this resonates with me without writing an entire novel in your comments. I am facing this and the whispers have been happening for about a year now. Thank you for this post and the share of the program!
Wow. What a powerful post. I adore that Robert Louis Stevenson quote and hadn’t heard it before. I am a mama (of two) but truthfully I was always ambivalent about it. In fact I got pregnant by accident (a fact that I realize now was of course no “accident”) and the pregnancy and subsequent postpartum depression rocked my entire world and identity in ways that I am still unraveling. In fact I wrote a memoir about it! I think this is an essential conversation and I’m so grateful that someone was wise as Randi is leading it. What a gift to so many people. xox
Randi, this is so beautifully said. There are so many powerful lines in here I couldn’t begin to point them out without reprinting your entire article. I love the way your program seems to hold space for each woman to walk her own path . . . without directing a particular outcome.
You are so right when you say: “To become a mother or not is the biggest conversation women aren’t having …”. I had some “maybe baby” moments for a few short months when I was 34, right after one of my best friends delivered her first. But it faded quickly and in general, and even as a young girl, I have never felt the internal pull to have kids. But, I know a lot of women are torn and many have kids because it’s a cultural expectation rather than a genuine choice. I love that you are creating space for women to sit with those questions and follow their own hearts.
Oh, and I LOVE the artwork! Awesome!
Congrats!!
Wow! Thanks for the lovely responses!
Mindy- Clarity is a gift, isn’t it? I’m so glad you have found what is true for you. And yes, I’m honored to have this guest faculty supporting this program. Thank you!
Kendra- You are SO not alone. It’s big. And it’s worth a loving inquiry into your heart. It’s kind of like a keyhole too. You look through a seemingly small and singular question and shine light onto different possible worlds and realities. Please let me know if I can help. This is my passion and I know from my experience that it’s an intimidating if not scary question- but with love and giving yourself permission to be ok with the process, the question and the array of feeling you have about it day to day, it can lead to great insights and peace. (Spoiler alert- you’ll be fine)
Lindsey- thank you for your kind, kind words. Ambivalence is its own world- and then discovering your pregnant and not having really been planning on that (then through in some hormones) is pretty tightly-packed and profound soul searching. Yet, it’s all the questions that when we give them light and fresh air, give us ourselves. May your continued unraveling be infused with love, compassion and peace.
Laurie- Gosh, thanks! It’s really very important to me that we hold space for one’s truth- whatever it may be. One of the reasons I had such a personal struggle with the Maybe Baby question was a fear, if not a visceral repulsion of people saying things they knew I’d come around, see the light or ‘grown up’. That would have discounted what was once true for me and been disrespectful of my, at the time, ambivalent state. AND- I don’t believe there is a one size fits all answer or solution. We’re all meant to be in the world in different ways. Your kind words have deeply touched me. Thank you!