This is a gorgeous photo, of a gorgeous day… my (second) wedding day. It all seems perfect. And it is. Just not in the way you might think from this picture.
To explain, let me go back… to the first gorgeous wedding day. Different guy, different dress. Again perfect. Perfect because that marriage taught me a lot!
He was outgoing, charismatic, funny… the life of a party. I was the quiet, calm one. When it became clear that he had a drinking problem, I got to be the good one too. Not that I was the victim- but my problems and issues weren’t as glaringly obvious as alcoholism tends to be.
I didn’t get angry. I worked on my contentment and appreciation of the wonderful things in my life, and in the marriage (I had help from Al-Anon, which I can’t recommend enough). I might as well have had a halo on my head, or been nominated for sainthood.
And that’s where the opportunities came in. I had the chance to develop another side of myself. I just had to allow it to surface. And it did. The reality of the situation, my husband’s personality, and 18 years of being “good”, finally pushed me
to feel anger,
to stand in my truth,
and eventually, to leave.
I got great at saying what I meant. I got bold, brave… maybe even tough.
Fast forward to the day in the pic. I marry the new guy. He’s sensitive, sweet, authentic. He’s not flashy, or gregarious. He’s steady, and solid. Suddenly I find that I am the bad guy… “abrupt”, picky, critical, stubborn. What?! What happened?! Was all my developing-my-ability-to-not-back-down for naught? Is it backfiring?
I don’t believe so.
The spiritual teacher, Byron Katie recently posted on Facebook:
…People go to India to find a guru, but you don’t have to: you’re living with one. Your partner will give you everything you need for your own freedom.
My husband is giving me an opportunity, a chance to develop fully as a human. He’s calling out exactly what I need to work on next. How soft can I be? How sweet? How gentle? And can I embrace that in myself while holding on to truth and courage? He’s calling me to become whole.
It’s a holy partnership,
a divine opportunity,
a chance to love every thing that I can be – all parts of my self.
And that will be freedom.
See? It’s perfect.
Are you being afforded an opportunity to bring forth and love a part of your Self in a partnership?
Jump at the chance.
And thank your partner.
Lisa Sarick is a teacher, a minister and a spiritual guide. She sees clients 1-on-1, officiates ceremonies, and presides over Moon Circle monthly, online.