I’m occupying my life in new ways, now that he’s gone. It’s like I’ve rediscovered a whole wing of abandoned rooms and hallways; entire areas I declared off-limits for reasons that made sense some time ago. Spaces I’m reclaiming and inhabiting. Skin I’m only just now growing into.
I’m seeping out into the edges of me, bumping against old limits and seeing where they’re ready to fall away. It’s a time of fresh curiosity about what’s true, and what’s no longer true – not in this new incarnation.
I’m allowing myself to be drawn toward what feels most alive, and seeing what happens when I am held in its orbit.
I’m exploring new roles, new ideas, new ventures. The sudden lack of familiar constraints has unleashed a willingness to experiment I don’t remember having had before. It’s dizzying at times, but I can’t get enough of it.
There’s a surprising and unexpected upside to the ending of my marriage: I’m tapping into something that was definitely NOT available to me from within my old relationship. It’s simple, and primal, and potent.
It’s my power.
My power has been lying in wait for me. It’s beautifully intact. Even while I was actively giving it away (to someone who didn’t even want it!), my power was available in endless supply. Now I’m retraining myself to use it wisely.
Personal power is rooted in self-love and strengthened by Spirit. I trace its source to the Divine Feminine: that well of nurturing, love, understanding, compassion, insight, intuition, creativity, forgiveness, healing, and wisdom.
There’s another aspect that people often associate with the word “power”. It encompasses the masculine traits of directionality, self-reliance, fierceness, pragmatism, focus. It’s about taking charge and making decisions and getting things done.
For me, the balance between these two sides, feminine and masculine, went wonky years ago. I’ve leaned heavily into the feminine aspects of power as I raised my kids, created community, built solid friendships and healed myself. Even in creating and growing my business, I have prioritized connection, collaboration and service over efficiency, drive and ingenuity.
I turned away from the seemingly linear, left-brain world of exerting power – at first consciously, then over time I seemed to have forgotten how to access this source of strength. Without going into details, I will tell you that this has NOT served me well.
I’m now welcoming this other side of power back in. I’m inviting it to show itself to me, and practicing how to embrace its sharper edges and sleek lines. I have some work to do, yes. But I’m ready for this work. I know it’s time because of the feeling in my body as I practice these new-old postures and attitudes : soft belly, eagerness in my eyes, quickened heart. Yes, it’s time.
Even as I declare myself ready, the Universe responds. There have been offers, inquiries, and totally unforeseen opportunities. It’s almost uncanny, the timing. Clearly my allies have been waiting for me. Thankfully I’m poised to say Yes.
There’s excitement at what might lie behind some of the still-closed doors. And of course, there’s some fear. These are good signs, healthy reminders that the journey is beginning and I’m on board for the ride. What I’ll be doing now is tapping in, listening deeply, practicing courage, laying claim to the full breadth and depth of my power.
Tell me about your relationship with power. What comes easily, and what not so much? How do you find balance between the feminine and masculine? Where are you growing yourself?