J’adore le Metaphor

Metaphors are not just for English papers and love-struck drama queens. Metaphors are superpowers. They give you x-ray vision into the truth and they do it with style. They are a fantastic tool to make the unclear clear; they give communication a super boost with an extra shot of poetry for good measure.

I use gardening metaphors all the time. The garden is one of my favourite places to find metaphors; it is full of luscious examples for any occasion. Not only do garden metaphors help me connect with the rhythms of my own life, they help me connect with my coaching clients too. Their gardens may look quite different from mine, but as a fellow gardener, I can ask questions about the gardening process that help my clients get to the, um, root of the matter.

Let’s try it now.

Pick a topic. Your next art project. Your love life. Your health. Your finances.

• What is thirsting to be watered?

• What needs more time to take root?
• What are you cultivating?
• What weeds are calling out to be pulled?
• What is already here to be harvested?

Asking a question with a metaphor often opens the door for unexpected answers. Once your imagination has been included in the discussion, you may find it has fascinating input. I like to imagine that the metaphor is a secret password, finally freeing the answers that were inside you all along. Suddenly you know in your gut that you are weeding out guilty residue from a past relationship to make space for the new love who wants so badly to grow. The answer now seems obvious, but only showed up for the question what weeds are calling out to be pulled?

A Personal Example: The Mountain of Crap in our Metaphorical Living Room

I used a metaphor recently to resolve a big messy conflict with someone I love. We were arguing over and over about the same things, blaming one another for how we got there, making it worse as time went on. I’ll be honest, it was getting pretty ugly. We both knew something had to give. This went on for the better part of a year. I wish I was kidding.

Reflecting on the mess we had made was overwhelming. It seemed there were too many little fights inside the big fight. It was really unclear what was what. It reminded me of a time when I had a mountain of stuff plopped in the middle of the living room floor after a move. Nothing was being put away. The mess sat there, and under the mess floorboards were damaged and the neglect created a trap for dust and insects. On top of it all, of course, there was this lovely living room that was going to waste.

This struck me as the perfect metaphor for the conflict I was experiencing with my loved one. Our issues were piled high like a mountain in the middle of what should be a lovely place to rest and enjoy one another. The mountain had been there so long that new problems began to grow under what we couldn’t reach. If this mountain got any higher, we would stop seeing one another altogether.

What a gift this metaphor was! At the time I wasn’t sure if I could fix our relationship, but I knew without a doubt that a mountain of clutter from even the most chaotic move or renovation can be dealt with– it just has to happen one item at a time. With a little organization, patience, and most importantly, teamwork. The impossible suddenly felt possible.

After agreeing to operate with this metaphor as our anchor, we made a date to sort through the metaphorical rubble together. We formed a team, and one by one, worked through the pile. No box was left behind. We saw the damage we had done together, and we also saw how we were able to clean up what was once an intimidating mess. Together. When it was all said and done, we were exhausted, but we could finally see one another again. We could see our living room, and how beautiful it is, and then we could see our dreams fill the space where the mountain of stuff had once been. It was truly amazing.

Saying that the metaphor was the only thing that got us through it would be doing a disservice to how we were really champions of compassion that day. But I can say that for me, the metaphor removed the emotional charge and allowed me to tap into my compassion, patience and willingness. It was like being given a clear task to perform in the face of an emergency. It helped me show up for my relationship.

Did I mention this was a HUGE mountain? Okay. Without getting into details, trust me, I’m talking huge.
And the love fest that followed? Just as huge. Maybe even bigger.

I’ll let you know, it’s still happening.