The past few weeks have been filled with one of my favorite things: Feeling overwhelmed.
(You hear my sarcasm, right?)
Ok, overwhelm is not always a bad thing — your response to my last post about moving from anxiety and shame to abundance was overwhelming in the best of ways.
It left me feeling safe, humbled, surrounded with and by care. So many of you stopped by, left comments, shared pieces of your stories, it brought me to tears over and over.
You showed me in so many ways that I was not alone.
That’s a beautiful, powerful and empowering experience.
So, riding on all that support and love, it kind of confused me that the past couple of weeks have been so stressful and messy.
I’ve felt upset and happy and excited and confused. Up and down, every day, for no real reason other than because that’s just how I’ve felt.
When you let go of something big, something that has held a place of power over you, it creates space.
It opens up space to let other needs and feelings see light. That light, it doesn’t have to be a harsh spotlight: something shining and garish. It can be the warm, intimate light from a lit candle or a fire in the fireplace. It can be the fading light of sunset or the soft light of sunrise.
I went with the first option for a while for a while – I kept the spotlight on all the uncomfortable feelings, trying to force answers to a question when there weren’t any yet: Why does everything feel so messy right now?
That didn’t help. If anything, it made everything feel bigger and more cluttered.
Your overwhelm, the things it stems from, those feelings are a part of you. You can welcome your feelings as if they’re a friend. When you treat your anger or fear or sadness as a friend, it changes everything. You soften to it, become able to listen to what it needs to say.
If your best friend was hurting, you wouldn’t poke and prod at her. You wouldn’t get angry when she couldn’t articulate exactly why she was upset. You wouldn’t think she was stupid because her heart was aching.
You would sit with her, hold space, listen.
Why shouldn’t you treat yourself with the same care?
I sat and listened to all of those feelings of overwhelm and stress. I got out my paper journal and started writing about how I was feeling, not what I was thinking.
I feel tired because I’m always working on something.
I feel upset because I keep having to start over on projects.
I feel irritated because I’m always sitting at the computer.
I feel lonely because I haven’t connected with my friends in a while.
What I heard was that I wasn’t taking care of (or with) myself, that I missed my friends, that I was on information overload, that I needed to create ease in my life.
I was feeling overwhelmed because there was a lack of three sets of things in my life: Community and play. Space and spontaneity. Ease and peace.
When you identify how you feel, you can figure out how to give yourself what you need.
This is how I honored my needs and feelings.
I need(ed) community and play. I acted silly and laughed and laughed with my brother, went to visit my grandmother and spent some time with my mom. I got out my phone and sent out love notes to my tribe. I cranked up the music and booty danced around my house. I made plans to catch up friends that live close by. I twirled around in the backyard and got my hands dirty with yardwork on a warm sunny day.
I need(ed) space and spontaneity. The first thing I did? Recommitted myself to one of my favorite parts of my self-care practice: The no Internet at night policy. I stayed away from my inbox, rarely checked in on Facebook or Twitter, didn’t read a blog or news site. I reclaimed my evening hours as something sacred. Not being plugged in at night meant that I could read or indulge in watching a show on TV, have a text message marathon, set up my yoga room. I could do anything because now there was so much more time.
I need(ed) ease and peace. Out came the pen and pad of paper and with them ideas and sketches and plans of action. Getting away from the computer and online spaces helped me move from the “need to do” list to the “want to do” and “get to do” lists. It brought back all of the fun and joy in creation. There is something so soothing in the sound of pen scratching across paper. It reminds me of being little and coloring in some coloring books.
This was leaning into the edges, leaning into my edges, and I learned that I need to listen to that little voice inside of me more often.
She will never steer me wrong.
THANK YOU for posting this. I’ve had similar struggles lately … always working, always on a project, always at the computer … I forgot about self care. You reminded me.
Hee! You’re welcome, Jess. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in whatever’s going on that you forget to take care of (and with) yourself. I ended up busting out the Sharpie and “take care” on my bathroom mirror. (because reminders never hurt.)
Thank you for stopping by, love. ♥
I like the sharpie idea!!
It’s so fun!
I can so relate to your post! I spent the entire month of January on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Rather than fight those emotions, I just sat with them and let them take me where I needed to go. I listened to and embraced them and had compassion for myself. Self love and listening to that inner voice is so vital. Thank you!
Ok, what was it with January and the rollercoaster feeling?
You are so spot-on with sitting with them, listening, waiting. But the compassion — that’s where the healing starts. When you stop pushing yourself or being angry with yourself or stop thinking ‘I should be’. Compassion says yep, this is how I’m feeling and it’s ok. Then you can start to work through it all.
♥
Lovely thoughts.. There is just so much goodness all around it can feel like we are never able to catch up, we forget that we are not supposed to. The opportunity starts to feel like obligation. So good to listen to your needs.
Oh yes, exactly. Exactly. ♥
Thank you for this.
I too have been struggling with the same thing lately. As a newly single mom of two very young girls, job searching, soul searching, and starting the girls in daycare this week, there is no wonder I feel a bit overwhelmed. I have spent the past few weeks feeling very, very angry about the details of my separation, and just a few days ago asked myself WHY am I so angry? WHAT am I so scared of that’s keeping me locked into this pattern?
I got my answer earlier this week, and have since been able to start to let go of the anger and frustration and begin to use it as a vehicle towards the positive transformation going on in my life right now. I love how you say “When you treat your anger or fear or sadness as a friend, it changes everything. You soften to it, become able to listen to what it needs to say.” That is something I am going to write down and put on my fridge so I remember to honor my feelings, even the “negative” ones.
I also really, really love your no internet at night rule – and am inspired to try that out too! I’ve been itching to do some artwork or reading in the evenings after the little ones are asleep, but I inevitably head to facebook or blog reading. I’m going to start tonight and do no internet after dinner. I’m already feeling more calm.
Thanks again for sharing this piece.
xoxoxo
-Christina
Christina, thank you so much for sharing this. It feels good to start to let all of that go, huh?
The no Internet at night rule saves me, it totally fills me right up — all that space and quiet and stillness. I love it. Did you try it last night? How did it go?
Sending you peace.
I love, love, love this post. So much insight and brilliance here, this is much needed. Thank you. You are appreciated and loved, by me and by all of us, Jenn!
Thank you, Daniel!
I felt a little naked writing this. It helps to have it find such a soft landing. ♥ yooou!
Absolutely buddhaful. Follow your intuition xx
Heee! Thank you! (Also, hi! So nice to see you over here – I am a huge lover of your malas, so pretty! ♥)
This is SO inspiring, you have no idea. I know I need to make some shifts (small shifts, but meaningful ones), but have been having a hard time with it. Kind of like when I am trying to peel off tape from the roll and can’t find the edge, do you know what I mean? You just made me realize that if I can’t find that edge, I need to make one. I need to peel off the final layers and get going on this next stage of my life. Thank you for reminding me of this.
And as for: “When you let go of something big, something that has held a place of power over you, it creates space.”
Wow… just wow. I have been mourning not becoming a curator since I finished graduate school. It wasn’t the right path for me, but for over ten years I have just truly *mourned* that loss of a dream I held since I was a kid. It’s time to truly let go, so I can create some space for the new things that want into my life. Thank you for reminding me that letting go will create an open space, not burn a hole in my heart.
Chel! Thank you so much for stopping over and sharing this. And yes, I totally know what you mean. ♥
May I just say yes!
Mhmmm! ♥
Oh Jenn, thank you so much for writing this. January really has felt like such an intense month! I’m going through a lot of changes right now and the growing pains have been almost unbearable. I think now I’m going to treat them like a friend and give my needs a little more attention. I always want no-Internet nights but they never end up happening and then I just feel awful about it! Maybe it’s really time to commit now, slowly. Thank you.
Hey there, Ruth! I know, what was it with January? Good grief! I like your idea of committing slowly, it makes me think of taking the time to find out what fits, what works for you and your needs. You don’t have to start with an entire night of no Internet, maybe try a few hours evening to see how it goes. It’s dipping your toes into the pool to see how the water feels. Let me know how it goes?
this: “When you let go of something big, something that has held a place of power over you, it creates space.”
…helped clarify a lot for me. i am in the process of letting something bigbigBIG go and keep wondering why my emotions go up and down and back again. you’re right, a space has been created. i’m still trying to figure out what to do with that space, still trying to trust i can fill it with beauty as opposed to darkness. i think, too, my need to uncover answers NOW keeps overwhelming me. maybe i should steer the spotlight away from everything for a second and soften. solid advice.
also, i love your idea about no computer at night. i think i’ll try that and see what happens. thanks for this. i am new here and really loving the atmosphere, the words, and the people.
Hey, Zoe! I am so happy that you’re here, thank you for stopping in and sharing this. Take your time with the answers, they’ll make their way to you, they always do.
Oh! Let me know how it goes with no computer at night?
I hope you are having a pretty day.
Ah, the no internet at night thing. Mind if I steal that idea? Just for a couple of nights a week? I think I’d really benefit.
Thank you for sharing, and reminding me to always look after number 1.
Ha! You don’t have to steal it, just take it! Slide it into your routine where it feels right, enjoy the downtime. The no Internet at night bit is such a good way to recharge, it’s one of my favorite parts of self-care.
[...] a few days ago jenn gibson, of roots of she, wrote a beautifully articulated post entitled “the importance of honoring your needs and feelings“. [...]
[...] Treat yourself as you would a best friend…would you poke her when she’s down or would you try to life her up? [...]
[...] The Importance of Honoring Your Needs and Feelings. [...]
[...] wouldn’t think she was stupid because her heart was aching. You would sit with her, hold space, listen. Why shouldn’t you treat yourself with the same [...]