Hey there! This is a just-rolled-outta-bed-to-say-hello video, because in my heart of hearts, I know that if I show up, as I truly am, how I truly want to be, and you do the same—we could have this thing called love. Big time.
An Honest Chance At Love
My heart and hands want to strum a ukulele and sing from the bottom of my belly just because.
Even though I feel foolish as a beginner,
Even though I need to giggle at my mistakes,
Even though I wear faces of worry and splurt, “yikes!” left and right,
Even though I have 1,000 other things I’m supposed to be doing,
Even though this is my first post, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you.
I can’t wait until I’m an old-pro or we’re old friends. Until there are no mistakes to giggle at and no bloopers to furrow my brow over. Until the perfect timing. I can’t wait until this silly haircut grows out, or I’m all made-up and purty lookin’. I can’t wait until then to let my true colors shine. Because those things might never. ever. happen. And if they don’t, I’d be sacrificing my true self.
Oh no, girl. That self is one lovable motha fucka who is simply needs to live free.
So instead, I jump—with a pit in my tummy and my breath taken away, yes—but still, I jump. Because jumping let’s me know that I’m really alive & listening to what’s calling me.
And when we really listen to what’s calling us, we end up doing at least one life-enriching, possibly terrifying, totally incredible thing a day.
So often us humans get hung up on results—syndromes of approval that we’re “good enough”, “worth the investment” or “worth the risk.” Especially with new endeavors. Especially with hundreds of new people watching. “Don’t try it if you’re not gonna be good.” I’m not immune to this. Just now I had a little freak out when my husband innocently asked, “Is two videos too many for one post?” *Cue my biting fear that maybe he’s right and I’m insane and no one wants to watch any of this at all.*
It could be true. You could be thinking I’m nuts-o and x the page right now. Okay.
But for the chance that my true self and your true self could spend all night talking about things like love and truth and courage and loss, I’ll take the risk and be myself.
We’re not alone in our worry. We all feel it! It’s human on so many levels. Societal paradigms are hard at work, making us feel foolish if we do anything but look out for our own best interest. (You know—the best interest that tells us to play it safe, stay the course, toe the line, don’t leave the box.) But in the best interest of us all, if we want any kind of collective liberation, we’re gonna need to start doing the very things that put butterflies in our bellies. And, I’ll take it one step further to say, we’re gonna need to do those scary things with love.
Love that honors our capacity for being with minor freak-outs. Love that finds truth inside illusion. Love that releases clenching perfectionism and the grasp on “being good.” We are capable of expanding into the reality of right now and releasing from the drama that drags us down. We are capable of being love that big.
Especially when we know that we’re not alone. Especially when our community is chock-full of courageous people who admit that they have minor freak-outs. (How lucky are we!) Especially when we can Tweet something like, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! My anxiety is sky-rocketing!” and get responses like, “Know how it feels, sista. You are totally okay right where you are.”
Every moment has within it a gift. How generously can we accept the gifts we didn’t ask for? How deeply can we love whatever comes our way—even the things we don’t like? Like worry or doubt or looking clueless in front of 100 new people?
I’m exploring these questions today, as I play my lil ukulele despite my novice hands and growing doubt. As I push the boundaries of my vulnerability and courage. Truly, this doesn’t feel easy. But I know I need to jump. Because I care more about showing up as I truly am in a way that offers the chance for real connection, than appearing perfect. How untrue and unnecessary the perfect picture is. What a RELIEF it is to just be me.
So sweet, sweet soul… If you were to give your doubt and insecurity a rest, what hidden piece of your heart would you offer up to this community? For the chance to come as you really are? For the chance that people will love you—really love you—imperfections, humanity and all? Grace us with your truth in whatever form feels real. I can assure you this much: I love nothing more than seeing people from the inside out. And I honor your courage with some real deep oomph.
If you need a little extra nudge, watch the second video… you know, the one I had the minor-freak out about.
What are you waiting for? from Rachael Maddox on Vimeo.
Pssst..
8-month adventure around the USA = madward.blogspot.com
Personal musings = rachmadlove.blogspot.com
Tweet Tweet = @rachaelmaddox
Love you already! Thank you so much for showing up here.
Xo,
Rachael
This post was written just for me…I struggle with being ME here and now, instead of waiting “until”…and then fill in the blank. Until I lose weight, until I know exactly how to do xy or z perfectly, until…until. I AM sacrificing my truth self…
This also spoke loud and clear to me: “Every moment has within it a gift. How generously can we accept the gifts we didn’t ask for?” What an amazing thought to ponder…so often things come our way and we fight against it…kicking, screaming…maybe even both…but have we taken the time to look at what life has given us? I’m a firm believer that we may not always know what’s best for us. I can’t tell you how many times something that I initially saw as a problem, turned out to be exactly what I needed.
Anyway – Rachel…thank YOU for this post. I think that “…my true self and your true self could spend all night talking about things”, and I look forward to reading your posts and getting to know you here on roots of she
i’m so with you, stephanie… sacrificing the true self is such a drag. but here we are with the chance to just be true. thank god! let’s just do it
I can’t tell you how many times something that I initially saw as a problem, turned out to be exactly what I needed. <~~ love this. it's so true. resistance is a killer. everything has hidden gifts.
love to you, sweet heart.
SO nice to meet you, Rachel. I feel like you reached out to us and said “come in, come here, I want to know you, too!” with this post, which is so refreshing for a community blog! Thank you for this post, for your brave heart, for sharing what you know with us. And thank you most of all for the permission and encouragement to step out of the box a little, and to do it with LOVE. I so needed to read this now- I have been wondering “should I?” about an issue, and I feel like I got my message from the universe that I absolutely should.
And two videos is never too much!
yay!! go for it, girlfriend!
i’m so glad i came across as here to say hi and talk. that’s all i ever really want. let’s be friends!
And oh gosh- I spelled your name wrong. I’m so sorry
My full name (Michele) is often spelled wrong and so I know what a faux pas that is. I am so sorry!
I love these videos so much, you know how excited I was when you sent them over. You inspire me to be brave and fearless. ♥
thank you SO much for the space. THIS space inspired me to go bigger, braver, more myself. YOU are integral to that. xo
Thank you so much for this post Rachael! It really made me feel liberated. Thank you for you powerful, ordinary, soul-stirring words! I think I’m going to write “My true self is one lovable motha fucka!” and put the note up on my wall where I can see it every day. It makes me feel like no one can steal from me my right to be my beautiful, unique self!
what a great idea! i think i need to post it for myself, too
so glad to meet you, leah <3
Awesome post Rachael! I loved your singing, and I loved even more that you did it in spite of fears of imperfection. Your words really hit home with me.
Have a beautiful trip, beautiful!
(ps, I have a silly haircut now too!)
oow! thanks, tanya! hopefully i can your cookey haircut before i go. xo
Aw, Rachael, you are such a sweetheart. I honour your bravery for sharing a hidden piece of your heart with us. It can be so difficult to share what’s hidden in our hearts when our heads get so full of the derisory stories we tell ourselves, isn’t it?
I’m leaving this post with a smile and a renewed sense of hope that when I share the hidden parts of my heart, that everything will be ok. More than ok, in fact. Fabulous.
Much love to you, honeypie
Amy
xx
amy, YOU are such a sweetheart. thanks for stopping in, listening, being here with me. i really would love to see whatever hidden parts you’ve got up your sleeve.
Here’s to letting go of the sucky stories together!
I am smiling at my monitor…
I smile even bigger when I realize how silly I look smiling at my monitor…
And even bigger when I remember that you can’t see ME smiling at YOU
You rock my anklets off, sistah.
<3
i’m making a nice deep exhale over here. SO glad you’re beaming. right back at ya, sista
Oh, THANK YOU for this. Oddly, I was just thinking the other day that it might be a good idea to do video blog entries including myself at my piano playing songs that are “unfinished,” that still need a lot of work … so so inspiring to see your courage with playing a new instrument for us. And your voice is just heaven. Excited to read more of you!!
please please send me the link when you do! i can’t wait to hear your beauty!
Hell yeah! You know what I like about you? You swear. I swear too.
You have such a gorgeous way of expressing yourself and splashing your heart out inviting others to play. I’m excited to be writing alongside you this season Rachael. Looking forward to the winding road of your heart-honest writing.
[...] wise Rachael writes, ”We are capable of being love that [...]
Rachael… wonderful uke playing .. especially for a first timer :~) totally fearless… you shine :~) so glad the Universe sailed your wonderful energy past my stream today
will have to go check your blog to see how the road trip turned out