The lost art of noticing

Jun 15th, 2011
by Rachelle Mee-Chapman.
19 comments
copper butterfly by say.today
copper butterfly, originally uploaded by say.today

Friends, what I want to tell you is this…

You have a stunning life. The beauty and the wonder. The terror and the pain.

Don’t miss it.

Too often, we lose our life in the midst of our calendars. We numb the difficult parts with cocktails and television. We try to capture moments in snapshots, only to tuck them away in shoeboxes and computer files.

In the rush, in the avoidance, in the tasks of the day, we lose touch of our humanity. Our gratitude. Our surprised laughter. Our heartfelt tears.

What if you could see your life not as a blur, but a symphony?

Will you do something for me today? Will you take these next few minutes to notice what Mary Oliver calls your “one wild, precious life?”

Get into a comfortable Noticing Posture:

(To listen to me talk you through this posture, click here.)

  • Ground your feet by connecting them to the surface below you.

  • Drop your tailbone into a neutral position so that it’s not tipped forward or back.
  • Stack your vertebrae on top of this base to align your spine.
  • Lift your shoulder blades up as high as you can and the let them drop away from your ears. Imagine your head floating above your neck like a helium balloon.
  • Swallow to relax your jaw.
  • Take three conscious breaths. Breathe In. Breathe out.
  • Prepare to direct your gaze.

Bring your attention to this day. Take a welcoming breath it its direction. Without judgment or plans for change, take 3-5 minutes to Notice…

  • What do I feel? What initial emotions arise when I become still?

  • What do I see? What objects, colors, and textures greet me?
  • What do I hear? What sounds greet me in this space?
  • What do I smell? What scents does the space carry?
  • What would I name this moment? Pick three descriptive words that capture this moment.
  • What else am I noticing right now?

This is your life. The hot and the cold of it. The hurt and the joy of it. All its real bits in all their real glory.

Cherish it my darlings. Mold it, and make it, but most of all just notice.

Is your life moving by too fast? Do you need some help with noticing? Tell me what you are noticing about your life today and I’ll put you name in the hat to win a seat in our next round of The Art of Noticing.

May awareness and presence be your withmates today.

Much Warmth,
Rachelle

Withmates

May 24th, 2011
by Rachelle Mee-Chapman.
7 comments

In the circles where I live and work and have my being, I hear the same three longings on endless, aching repeat.

  • A desire to have a spiritual practice that is genuine and authentic to the person practicing it.

  • A desire to include feminine ways of knowing and creative impulses into that practice.
  • A desire to not feel alone in that practice — to have a soulful tribe.

I believe that being withmates to one another can move us into places where we complete all of these desires.

What is a withmate?

“Withmate” is the gender-inclusive term I’ve come to use to describe what Margaret Guenther calls a “midwife to the soul.” In Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, Guenther reminds us that, “The literal meaning of the word [midwife] is ‘with-woman,’ that is, the person who is with the one who is giving birth.” When you expand the metaphor of “birthing” to include giving birth to a new kind of spirituality, the idea of being withmates to one another resonates with possibilities.

What does a Withmate Do?

A withmate…

  • Is present to another in a time of vulnerability, working in areas that are deep and intimate, in a relationship of trust and mutual respect.

  • Does things with, not to the person giving birth.
  • Invites questions and takes time to engage with them.
  • Sees the event she is assisting at as a natural, normative event–not as a ‘crisis of faith’ or a sickness.
  • Notices times of transition and realizes that – even though painful – they are a sign of breakthrough and progress.
  • Encourages another when they feel out of control or that they have failed. Redefines progress, success, and failure in more functional terms.
  • Tells you when to push and when to hold back, when to breathe deeply and when to do something shallow.
  • Rejoices in the arrival of that which was working to get itself born.

What about you?

  • What might get born in your life with more ease and support if you had a withmate?

  • Who has been a withmate to you in the past? What did they do that was helpful?
  • Go on an imaginary journey where you are following a leader. Now go on a journey where you are traveling beside a withmate. What’s different?
  • Who has been a good traveling companion for you? What did s/he do that made them a good withmate?
  • Looking for a withmate? Who can you be a withmate to? (Pay it forward and watch the Universe meet your needs as well.)

Building your life around your core values

May 13th, 2011
by Rachelle Mee-Chapman.
3 comments

Wings., originally uploaded by Rebecca Tabor Armstrong.

Respect
Self-Authority
Authenticity
Innovation
Beauty
Community
Freedom
Security

These are my core values. All the jobs that I’ve held, all the causes I’ve been passionate about, all the people I admire have had these *8Things in common.

When I work on projects that are closely connected to these core values, I experience satisfaction, motivation and clarity. When I put my efforts towards things that do not embody these core values, I feel lost, dissatisfied, and just plain old pissy.

Sometimes I wish I had different values. For instance, let’s take “Security.” I need to know where the money is coming from. I need to be sure the rent is covered. I need a steady paycheck. These things used to seem wimpy to me—needy, weak and shallow. Why couldn’t I take more risks? Why couldn’t I be more daring?

Then I realized that being financially secure, being in place of stability and constancy – this allowed me to live in community and to practice hospitality. Security allowed me to work on innovative projects and causes. Security allowed me to be a patron of the arts and to support beauty. Of course some people do all of those things without financial or relational security. But me, I need that value to feed all the other values-based work I engage in. One feeds the other.

When you feel lost. When you feel crabby. When you have to make a big life decision – look to your core values. Don’t know what yours are? Try one of these exercises.

  • Your Resume: Think back on all the jobs (paid or voluntary) that you’ve held. (Don’t forget parenting!) Which parts of those jobs were energizing to you? What values did those tasks encompass? What parts did you dislike? What values were missing from those tasks?

  • Models and Mentors: Who are your role models and mentors? What character traits to do you admire most about them? What values do those traits reflect?
  • The Funeral: If someone was describing you at your memorial, what adjectives would you like them to describe you?
  • Then and Now: As you look for your core values, remember that they flux somewhat over the course of your life. Some rise to the top. Others fade into the distance. What did you once hold in high value that now carries less importance to you? What has come to live in its place? (Example: When I was younger I valued obedience. Now I value self-authority.)

As you do these exercises, see if you can narrow your list down to 8 core values. It helps to have a small enough number that you can rattle them off by heart. Then narrow it down to 3 super-core values. As you create your custom fit life, as you curate your belief system, make sure the things you give your time to represent those 3 core values. And look for the other 5 in as many aspects of your life as possible.

What about you? What are your core values? Which of them are you living-out regularly in your life? Which aren’t getting enough attention?

Need to talk to someone about your values? Join me in a live group coaching call, Wednesday May 19, 9am PST. Learn how to find the intersection between your work, your tasks and your values, and ask questions about finding and living your values. Click here to sign up.

Creating a custom-fit life

Apr 29th, 2011
by Rachelle Mee-Chapman.
7 comments

still from Eidolon, originally uploaded by Chrissie White.

Friends, I want you to know something. To know it deep in your core.

You can create exactly the kind of life you want. Half this and half that. With a dash of x and a sprinkle of y. You can special order. And once your find the perfect combination, you can (and will) change it again.

If you are a new kind of soul, you recognize this desire. The desire to customize, to blend, to create anew. It’s thrilling. It’s motivating. And it can be overwhelming. When you do this kind of work, when you live this kind of life, you dig up the very ground you stand on. Why?

Because you are mining. You are looking for the buried treasures you want to keep: the traditions your foremothers that you want to pass on; the good habits you’d forgotten that work so well; the bits of your past you want to polish up. They got lost. Lost in the dogma, and the rules, and in the expectations of others. You want to find those valuables, so you mine your past.

Because you are plowing. You are preparing the soil. You are planting the seeds of something new: something that may not bloom when you expect it to; that comes in a mix of unknown colors; that may bear a lot of fruit or a little. You are creating fertile soil for something you are curious about. Something that will bring beauty, or sustenance, or provision into your life.

Mining or Planting – either way things are getting churned up. Things are getting lumpy. So, how do you stand when you aren’t sure what’s solid ground?

Start with functionality. What works for you? What creates fruitfulness in your life? Not what’s supposed to be helpful, or what “they” say works. What serves you well? Do that. (Screw the rest.)

Follow Your Muse. You know that impulsive surge that rises up when a new thing strikes you? The brief clarity of an ah-ha moment? That rush of energy that comes with new idea, just before your naysaying voice kicks in? That’s your Muse. She may seem like a flibbertigibbet, especially when viewed through someone else’s lens. But for you, she’s rock solid. She’s the oracle in The Matrix. She’s the Huntress who comes to guide you out of the woods. She knows what you need to create new life – even if it seems wildly impractical. Even if – especially if – no one else is doing it that way. Her ideas don’t feel burdensome—challenging maybe, but not burdensome. That little thing you’ve been dreaming of in your subconscious? She sees it. She’s making sure you see it too. What makes your pulse race and your blood boil? That’s your Muse turning up the heat. Jump in.

Assume it will Change. We the Dreamers, we are not stagnant people. We look for the growing edge. For the flower slipping free from the bud. People like us do not find a way of be-ing and stick to it. We evolve, and so do our beliefs and practices. Our way of be-ing changes with the seasons, with the decade, with the location. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s brilliant. Settle into a way of being when it’s time to settle. When you get twitchy, when the things that once worked stop serving you, bounce on your toes – it’s time to change. This doesn’t mean what you were doing before was wrong. It just means you’ve noticed something others might let pass by unseen. And when you notice that little niggling prompt, you alter your ways once again. Life is change, sister. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you something.

Connect the Dots. The way you pray might suddenly convert. The names you call God might change. Your understanding of friendship might grow. Your relational rules might expand or contract. Your career goals might radically alter. The way to keep your footing during these little earthquakes is to connect what you are doing back to your values. Your values are deep rooted. They act as touch stones in your fantastic journey. Feeling lost? Gremlins telling you mean things? Wondering why you can’t just be happy with the status quo? Connect the dots back to your core values and feel yourself come into alignment.

What about you? What custom-fit part of your life are you building? What’s working for you in that process? Where do you need help? Let us know in the comments below. Your Tribe is here for you.

Curating faith

Apr 14th, 2011
by Rachelle Mee-Chapman.
6 comments

Listen, I want to tell you something.

Building a spirituality that fits is not that hard.

Stepping away from the the tribe of your youth, that’s hard. Leaving the place that no longer fits — the church, or the temple, or the meditation group — that is tremendously hard. Your family is there, and your friends. Your education might be rooted there, and possibly your career. Your beliefs live there (or they used to), and the creed was your compass. It’s hard to change your relationship with those big, established things in your life. It’s a psychic stretch.

Not the good yoga kind of stretch. The “it gets worse before it gets better” physical therapy kind of stretch.

But once you get out, and shake off the cobwebs, and catch your breath a little…well, then you can look around. Then you can rebuild.

This leaving and rebuilding makes me think of my youngest. She is a collector. She especially likes to collect “tiny things,” which over time coat the floor of her room like so many seashells after the tide has left the shore. Eventually, she has to clean her room.

When her once-cozy room becomes dis-functional, I tell her she must be a curator.

A curator chooses the best pieces from amongst many good things. She deliberately shapes the story she is telling by editing. Some things go in storage. Others are placed in the spotlight. Some pieces she sets aside willingly. Others are tucked away with a melancholy reluctance. A few pieces she keeps in the collection simply because of the memories they hold. Others she features very prominently, because they are so central to her tale.

When I ask my daughter to curate the things she has collected, she resists. Having all her most familiar things around her helps her feel safe. What if she gets rid of something and she needs it tomorrow? What if she misses this thing or that when it is gone? But eventually the things she’s gathered around her begin to lose their purpose. She cannot play with them if they are lost in the shuffle. She cannot use them if they are broken. If she is to enjoy her passion for collecting, the collection itself must be thinned.

Eventually she gives in and clears out the items that are no longer serving her. Some are put in a keepsake box. Some are passed on to someone else who can use them better. And some are released forever.

And then? Well, then she has space.

Space to kneel before her dollhouse and rearrange the way they live.
 Space to erect a glorious building out of the Legos that were rescued from the clutter.
 Space to spread out the long roll of drawing paper and create a new world.

These things come to her without strain, without effort, because she made space.

If you make space, new things will come to you. Things that work. Things you enjoy. Things that fill your life not with clutter and discord, but with beauty and openness and color and joy.



What if you made space? What would you create if you let go of the religious practices that were no longer serving you? What if you curated your faith?

As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm:
Jump. It’s not as wide as you think.
-
Joseph Campbell

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