Hello, motherhood – goodbye, to-do list

Sep 6th, 2012
by Darrah Parker.
7 comments

Tales from the Tribe: A guest post by Darrah Parker, part of the winter 2011 tribe. Read more of Darrah’s stories here.

When Jenn approached me to write a new post for Roots of She, I said yes right away even though I had no idea what I’d write about. What do I have to say? My blog has been all but abandoned, I have no e-courses scheduled for the foreseeable future, and my days are spent in Cheerio-encrusted yoga pants playing on the floor with a baby. It’s glamorous, let me tell you!

To say that life has changed since my last Roots of She post is an understatement. My post that day showed no sign of the secret I was holding. I was pregnant. In fact, I had my first ultrasound that very day. Out of curiosity, I looked back at my calendar to see what was going on around that time. The month was packed with deadlines, photo sessions, blog posts, e-course promotion, and more.

Looking at my calendar this month, a year and a half later, I see space. Lots of open space. I know most people dream of an open calendar. I know I did! But now that I have it, I have a gnawing feeling that something is missing. I have started putting things on the calendar just so I feel like I’ve got a life – play dates, story times, birthday parties. I feel really fortunate that I can stay home with my daughter, but if I’m honest with you, I often wonder where I went. What am I accomplishing? Am I doing enough if I don’t have a to-do list to check off?

Of course, the answer is YES. One look at my thriving, funny, sensitive girl and I know that I am doing the most important work of my life. Every time I starting dreaming of the future or searching the past, I do a disservice to what I am doing – right in that moment.

Lucky for me, I have the greatest and wisest teacher I’ve ever known. She’s sitting beside me on the floor, emptying her basket of toys for the twentieth time today. She is just as excited about it the twentieth time as she was the first time. If I watch carefully, I realize that she discovers something new every time. She doesn’t live in the past or the future. She is right there – emotions on the surface, with no expectations, no plans, and definitely no to-do list. She is just living.

So I’m following her lead. I am remembering what pure, childlike wonder feels like. I am giggling when she giggles, napping when she naps, soothing when she needs her mother’s embrace. I am redefining what accomplishment means. I am just living.

Living and working from the heart

Mar 3rd, 2011
by Darrah Parker.
5 comments

So this is it. This is my last Roots of She post. I’ve been hemming and hawing for days over what I should write for this final post. I wanted it to be meaningful. I wanted it to sum up who I am and what I believe and how grateful I’ve been for this time with you. I wanted it to be the blog post to end all blog posts.

As you can imagine, this was paralyzing. Every time I sat down to write the post, I stared at the screen, my mind a-buzzing…”WhatshouldIwrite? WhatshouldIwrite? WhatshouldIwrite?”

And then I had to slap some sense into myself. (Don’t worry. No photographers named Darrah were harmed in the writing of this blog post.)

But seriously, when it came down to it, I realized that the only person putting pressure on me was ME. In an effort to put my best self forward, my best self went into hiding.

If I have learned anything over the course of my time writing on my blog, taking photos, and starting a business, it’s that the best place to start is from the heart. Every time I try to be something that I’m not or try to create “the ultimate” thing, two things happen. One, I never get the desired results. And two, I feel like a big ol’ fraud.

When I started thinking about starting my own photography business, I thought that it had to be done a “certain” way. I looked at other photographer’s websites, took notes, oohed and ahhhed over how professional and fancy-pants they all looked, and ended up feeling so anxious at the prospect of having to compete with them, the “real” photographers. The thought made me sick to my stomach because A) I just couldn’t compete with them and B) Their way didn’t feel authentic to me.

When it was time to launch my business, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I was myself. Instead of pretending to be fancy-pants, I shared my process. I shared my story. I shared my hopes and fears. And in between, I shared my photography. That’s the way that felt authentic to me. As long as it was coming from the heart, I knew I was on the right track.

So now it’s time to practice what I preach. As I sit here, staring at my computer, wanting to give you the blog post to end all blog posts, all I can do is be me and speak from the heart. And here is what my heart wants to say:

Thank you. Thank you, Jenn, for inviting me into the tribe as you launched your own dream. Thank you for giving me the space to be me and to share my passion. Thank you, dear readers, for showing up, taking the time to read what I write, and sharing your own experiences.

And thank you in advance for being you and living from your heart. I promise you it will never lead you astray.

{Even though this is my last “official” post for Roots of She, we’re not really saying goodbye. You’re always welcome to come hang out in my neck of the internet, follow me on Twitter, or sign up for my photography e-course, the Slice of Life Project. See you around the neighborhood!}

A photographic meditation

Feb 17th, 2011
by Darrah Parker.
5 comments

Photography saved my life.

At a time when I was drifting and searching and feeling that life was missing something, I picked up a camera for the first time and realized I had everything I needed.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to start taking photos, but I do know what compels me to keep doing it. The reason is quite simple: it makes me feel good. It’s the thing that I can turn to anytime, even on difficult days, and know that I will feel better even if I just take one photo. Yes, photography is now how I make a living, but it runs much deeper than that. It is my job. It is my passion. It is my heart. It is a cleansing breath. It is my meditation.

As I mentioned in my last post, it’s time to treat ourselves with kindness and look for what’s right with our lives instead of always focusing on what’s wrong. When I first started blogging (before I was a photographer), I created something called “Slice of Life Tuesday.” I knew that come rain or come shine (and here in Seattle, it’s mostly rain), I was going to post at least one photo from my everyday life on my blog every Tuesday. At the time, I didn’t feel like I had much to photograph. I was going to work, coming home exhausted, making dinner, and going to bed. (Sound familiar?)

I realized very quickly that Slice of Life Tuesday was less about what I photographed and more about the act of photographing. I didn’t want to paint a false picture of my life. Instead, I chose to celebrate the simple things – quiet times with my husband, the way the light hit my coffee cup, even the mess in my life. It was all important.

Photography began to change my life in ways I wasn’t prepared for. Instead of striving for the future and replaying the past, I was appreciating the present – just the way it was. Photography became a practice in appreciation. Photography was a visual gratitude journal. In a similar way that yoga or meditation help people stay “in the moment,” photography became my refuge. It was my calm in the storm.

I have since opened up Slice of Life Tuesdays to everyone who wants to participate and have created a related e-course, called the Slice of Life Project. My mission is to share this approach to life and photography with as many people as I can. The amazing thing is that anyone can do it! It doesn’t take a lot of time or fancy equipment. So many people have cameras on their phones now that taking photos is a lot more accessible than it used to be.

So today, I’d like to share my photographic meditation. Here are a few ways you can bring presence, awareness, and gratitude to your life. Grab your camera (any kind of camera) and follow these steps:

  1. Stop what you are doing. Put down your iPhone/Blackberry/laptop/etc., close your eyes, and take one deep breath. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, close your eyes and breathe.

  2. Quiet the noise in your head – the incessant to-do list, the thoughts of what you should be doing, the worries about your children or your spouse. Just breathe.
  3. Slowly open your eyes and notice what you see. Even if what you see is mess and clutter, without judging yourself or your surroundings, just notice.
  4. Dig a little deeper with curiosity. Look at your surroundings as if it was the first time you’d ever seen them. What catches your eye? Find something that makes you happy, reminds you of someone you love, or brings back a positive memory. If it doesn’t come quickly, dig deeper. What does the light look like in the room? Who is in the room? What colors are in the room that you like? If you see clutter or piles of toys, notice the textures and shapes within those things.
  5. After you’ve found one thing that catches your eye, take a photo of it! Photograph it in different ways, from different angles, from closer and further away.
  6. Take a step back and find one or two more things in the room that catch your eye. Really push yourself to find something else in the room that conjures a positive emotion or is visually interesting and photograph it.
  7. Notice how you feel after taking those photos. More relaxed? More centered? More appreciative?
  8. Repeat as often as you can. Try to make a practice of it. Do it once a week or once a day or even once an hour. Try it in different locations – in different rooms of your house, at work, at the grocery store. You’d be amazed how interesting the world looks through the lens of a camera!

The other way to go about photo meditating is to just pick up your camera and start shooting. I do this all the time. When I’m feeling stress or exhaustion or just need a mental break, I grab my camera with no particular plan of what I’m going to photograph and I just start taking photos. Sometimes I take my camera for a walk around the block and sometimes around my living room. This forces my brain to turn off the things that were stressing me out and focus on what I love about my life. It forces me to stop taking myself so darn seriously, to lighten up, and to see the amazing things that are right before my eyes.

The other lovely thing that happens after a photo meditation is that you have those photos to return to later. You can look at them and be reminded of that peaceful moment and of all of the beauty in your life.

Give this exercise a try and let me know how it goes for you. If you’d like to share the photo results of this experiment, leave a link to your blog or Flickr page in the comments below. And if photography isn’t your thing, pick something you love to do and try the same exercise. Maybe it’s a drawing meditation or a writing meditation or a painting meditation. Turn on some music and boogie for a couple of minutes. Do what works for you. The point is that in the midst of our messy, busy lives, there are moments of true beauty. It’s up to us to slow down and notice them.

Redefining beauty

Feb 4th, 2011
by Darrah Parker.
11 comments


Tai

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Before every photo session, I sit in my car, take a deep breath, and say a little prayer:

“May I be open to the beauty within this person so that I and my camera are able to capture their true essence. May I see them through the lens of gratitude and wonder so that I can help them see how beautiful they are — just the way are.”

I always enter a photo session more relaxed when I set that intention and in turn, my clients feel more relaxed. I’ve found that approaching challenges (creative or otherwise) with gratitude is the best place to start. People want to feel appreciated. They want to know that someone “gets” them, and not just in a surface way. They want to be understood.

The misconception about photography is that it’s all about looking good on the outside. Not so. Some of my most favorite photos are of real moments and real people doing real things. They aren’t smiling (and if they are, it comes from a natural place), their hair is messy, they aren’t wearing make-up, and you can actually see their wrinkles (shock! horror!). What I love about these photos is that you can see the people as they really are, experiencing life. That is beautiful to me.


Jelena

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The concept of beauty is complicated, isn’t it? When we hear the word, we immediately jump to conclusions about what it means. There are stories in our heads of what beauty means. Maybe we associate it with youth and being thin. Maybe we associate it with what we see on television or pressures we’ve felt from friends and family. Maybe we associate it with what we used to be and not what we are now. Often, when it comes to beauty, our minds point to everyone but ourselves.

This got me thinking. What if the way we define beauty makes it unattainable? What if “beauty” is the wrong word? Granted, I throw that word around a lot since I’m a photographer. But I’m starting to realize that we all define beauty differently. I have been using the word “beauty” all this time, but what I’m referring to is bigger and fuller than that one little word encompasses.

So what word should I use instead?

I have been grappling with this question for a few weeks, trying to pinpoint the word that describes the beauty that moves me when I look at people. It’s almost indefinable. It’s not something you can point to, like pretty hair or nice skin. It’s deeper than that.


Dara

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Finally, the word came to me in a yoga class. A few days ago, I sat in lotus pose at the beginning of class. As I closed my eyes and breathed a cleansing breath, the instructor asked us to take a few steps away and look back at ourselves in our minds. He asked us to look back at ourselves with glasses that only saw qualities. These glasses didn’t allow us to cast judgment on ourselves or to see physical attributes. Instead, the glasses allowed us to observe the qualities we liked best about ourselves: courage, joy, sensitivity, warmth, etc. We were to look through the glasses with compassion and the more compassion we showed ourselves, the more compassion we would put out into the world.

Eureka!

“That’s it!” I thought, staying in the moment as much as I could as I made a mental note of his wise words. Beauty is not about physical perfection or flawless skin or staying young. Those things are fleeting and to be honest, they don’t even begin to capture who you really are. Beauty is about the qualities within you — the ones that make you unique, the ones that people admire in you.



Karen

From now on, I will be adding this to my pre-photo session prayer:

“May I be able to see the qualities that make this person who they are.”

This will challenge me to look within the people I photograph and see their heart. But really, that’s a piece of cake. That’s my job — to see the beauty in others (yes, I said the “B” word again). It’s much easier to find the best qualities in others than it is to see my own best qualities. Sadly, we’re programmed from an early age to focus on the negative. When we look in the mirror or at photos of ourselves, we don’t see what others see. Others see their wonderful friend, partner, wife, mother, child. They see the things they love most about you. They see your qualities. But what do you see?



Kate

My challenge for you is to start reversing the way we’ve been programmed. It’s time to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we treat others.

Let’s start today.

What are the non-physical qualities you love most about yourself?

Want to continue this conversation? Jump over to my blog today where I’m talking about the “fear of photography” epidemic and the reasons why so many of us think we’re not photogenic.

If you want to take it a step further, share your thoughts in a blog post and leave a link in the comments below.

What if?

Jan 19th, 2011
by Darrah Parker.
5 comments


What If by Darrah Parker

I am always doing that which I cannot do,
in order that I may learn how to do it.
-
Pablo Picasso


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What if you decided that you were capable of the thing you have been dreaming of? What if you decided that you deserved to find out what it would feel like? What if you decided you already have everything you need? What if you tucked the excuses away for just a little while and gave it a whirl? What if you said yes to the things that scare you and no to the things that bring you down? What if you gave yourself more time to do the thing you enjoy doing most? What if you viewed your life as a “choose your own adventure”? What if you turned the phrase “if only” into “why not?”

What would happen?

I decided to find out for myself. After years of wishing and waiting, I got tired of sitting around and I went on an adventure. I didn’t have to go far. I just dipped my toe in and experimented. Before I knew it, I had bought a fancy camera (because, why not?) and fallen madly in love with photography.

And then I added one more “what if?” question to my arsenal: “What if I could turn this thing I love into a job?”

Of course, this brought on a whole bunch of “if onlys” – If only I knew how to start a business. If only I had picked up a camera a long time ago. If only I didn’t have a job so that I could have time to dedicate to this thing I love. If only I was as good as all those other photographers. If only I had something unique to say.

And when I was finished with the “if onlys”, I asked myself this:

“What if I did it anyway?“

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