Dancing in our light

Before I was a mama, before I did the work I do now, I worked in health care as a nurse’s aide. I know that it played a huge part in how I use my creativity to help heal & encourage others today.

I worked in nursing homes, rehabilitation centers, assisted living, dementia care units & then lastly, home care.

I loved my residents & they loved me. I’m not going to sit here & tell you that it was a cake job though. Anyone that has worked in this field knows. Oh you know. Some days were trying, some nights I would fall into bed because my body ached from the physical demand of lifting people, sometimes men, 2-3 times my body weight. Being understaffed was a regular occurrence. My mind grieved over loss, the lack of visitors, how what insurance type you had determined what kind of care you were eligible for. There were things that fired me up. There were things that I fought for & against. There were things that I learned. Oh the things I learned.

Here’s what I know for certain, these all are very common life principles but I want to tell you how they relate to what I did & do now:

Be super-silly, professionalism sucks sometimes. I wasn’t the most professional CNA, oh hell no. I did my job, I did it well but I had fun. I’ll be the first to say that I’m not the cleverest crayon in the box, I’m not wired for wit but silliness, that’s my street & my house invites you in to get your freak on & laugh your ass off.

Out of all the places I worked the dementia care units were my favorite place to be. You see, when you work with Alzheimer’s patients you have to get into their world. There is no redirecting, their world becomes your world. There was so much laughter & love. I remember one day I was taking one of my favorite (shhh!) ladies for a walk around the building, off the locked floor unit, she was clad in her flowered red hat. We were walking slow, she walked with a cane, the administrator caught up with us.

I’ll let you in on the fact that this administrator was all business. I think I maybe saw him crack a smile once or twice in all the years that I worked there.

As he walked by us, Mildred, she had no filter at all mind you, she was also hard of hearing – she “whispers” – “He walks like he has a stick up his butt. You gotta dance through life bay-bee!” – & she starts doing this crazy/beautiful dance, cane in hand. I danced with her. We laughed like it was the last time we were EVER gonna laugh.

Yes, there may be a time & place for professionalism, I respect it but I choose not to run my business like that. Facades are for fools, I choose fun. I choose love.

Age ain’t nothing but a number. I took care of Jan in her home during the last year of her life. She was 93. Her & I, oh the bond that was formed. She wasn’t like a grandmother figure to me, we kicked it like we were in high school, the best of girlfriends. We told each other secrets, we cried together, played pranks on each other. We told each other dreams that we had & dreams that had died. We confided in each other. We learned from each other. We loved each other.

I’ve gotten emails from readers ranging in age from 8 to 67 years old. When I produce or curate content, age doesn’t even cross my mind. We can all learn from one another no matter our age.

Keep your mind open, always. The minute I fell in love with my mister, Jan knew it, I didn’t say anything because it was complicated & I didn’t want to jump the gun when I hadn’t even met him yet, she said, “Amanda, who is he? You’re twitterpated! Look at your face, you’re glowing! You can’t hide when you are in love, honey.” I spilled everything & you know what, she was rooting for us, hardcore. Never in her 93 years had she even surfed the internet & she was open to all of it, even when many of our closest family members & friends thought we were totally crazytown.

Keep your mind wide-open, to everything, you may be pleasantly surprised to what flies in.

When you work together you can do most anything. When I first started working in health care I worked with the best team of women. We helped each other. We weren’t afraid to ask for help. We knew our limits. We were gentle with ourselves when we couldn’t get it all done. One word that comes to mind is POWERHOUSE, like, we got shit done, we didn’t skimp, we all loved our residents to pieces & we worked to finish our most important tasks & raise the quality of our residents’ lives TOGETHER.

This applies to what we ALL are doing right here, right now.

When we are open to sharing, helping & encouraging one another – we are helping the whole community thus helping the world.

Our actions create a ripple effect that knows no bounds.

No matter the medium in which we are doing it, we ALL are creating magic, do a little silly dance in its light.

I had an amazing time sharing here this autumn. Watching as we all made ourselves at home, letting our leaves fall to make a mosaic of magnificence.

I feel all fangirl-like waiting to see who is in the winter tribe & what they will be sharing — what I will be learning & how I will be growing — feeling my roots grow deeper into the ground & my limbs stretching further into the sky.

Thank you for being you.

One love,



Put your heart in it


my brother Josh & I, circa 1985

I was five.

This was the year my dad decided to quit his job & go into business for himself as an electrician. Before this, he had worked at a hardware store since he graduated high school & a few months before I was born. He had gotten so good at giving people exactly what they needed for every electrical job that used their store to buy their supplies that they put him in charge of that portion of the company.

My dad knew he had a gift, an unlearned, self-taught gift of getting it. It was intuitive. He followed that, despite not having any schooling, him & his partner, also unschooled, wired houses all over our area. They were good at what they did, mix that with their kindness & good sense of humor– & word of mouth traveled fast.

Over the years my parents owned more than a few businesses. They DJed weddings every weekend when I was 8; I had an insanely huge music collection at my disposal. My dad repaired TVs & VCRs for awhile; I watched him help people. He’s been the tech support for a small local internet company; I listened to him practicing patience. My mom’s made wedding cakes, gourmet candy for events & holidays, has held jewelry parties selling pieces that she created & has crocheted up all kinds of goodness; I watched her being creative, beautiful & believing in her work.

They did all of this out of our home.

These are my roots & it explains so much about who I am today.

But back to that Christmas, the beginning of my parent’s entrepreneurial journey…

I didn’t know this until I was much older but we didn’t have that much to spend that season.

The chalkboard desks my brother & I are sitting at in the photo were built by my dad’s hands because of this.

I remember thinking how cool these desks were, just the right size for both of us, they were customized, I loved mine to pieces.

Out of all 30 of the Christmases that I lived through, this & the scarf set my mama crocheted for me, are my most memorable & loved gifts.

As I grew older I realized that my dad put his heart into building those desks for us, which made me love them even more.

He also put his heart on the line.

Being creative, no matter the medium, & giving our gifts to anyone &/or the world, is vulnerable.

There was a chance that we could have shrugged those desks off, all his hard work. Even though we were so young, I’m sure it would have stung a little had that happened.

I’m learning though, if you really put your heart in it & out there, no matter what it or the outcome is, you will grow & learn from it.

If you go in big, you usually get big back – & if you don’t, settle into why that’s not okay with you & reshape it.

Your heart, ultimately, no matter how much you put it into things or people or situations or relationships, is always in your own hands.


So, on a lighter note, I put together a roundup of sweet DIY gifts that you can put your heart into this holiday, if you wish!


DIY Heart Sweatshirt
DIY Dreamcatchers
DIY Felt Flower Crown Headband
DIY Sweater Elbow Patches
DIY Typographic String Art
DIY Wrap Bracelet
DIY Tights
DIY Birdie Fringe Purse
DIY Doily Lamp
DIY Bow Garland
DIY Ruffle Shirt


DIY Mustache Mug
DIY Photo Globe
DIY S’mores Kit
DIY Mini S’mores Grill


Super-Duper Free Printable Holiday Gift Tag Roundup
Christmas Tea Bag Gift Tags
Festive Bow Toppers

I hope this inspires you to create your own memorable Christmas for you & your loved ones. Maybe if you have bigger little ones you can recruit them to help & instill in them the memory of a joyful & full-of-heart handmade Christmas.

Love,

PS A few of my favorite thoughtful & handmade gifts posts that I’ve shared on Kind Over Matter are : Gifts for the Group, the Surprise Ball & a Printable Affirmation Kit! Enjoy!


Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable

Hey there beautiful,

I’ve been thinking a lot about my tribe these past couple weeks. The people that lift me up on a daily basis, the people that gently nudge me to be a better person, that teach me, that hold space for me, the people that I’ve only connected with briefly but know that they would be there for me & I for them, should we ever call upon each other — & everyone in-between.

Over the years I’ve endearingly dubbed my tribe, my soul clan. I first read about soul families in this book: Twin Souls : Finding Your True Spiritual Partner years ago. (which I adore, so good whether you have or haven’t yet!) These people have a deep effect on me when I meet them, it’s instant connection, no matter the medium.

It’s beauty.

I made this printable with them (you!) in mind:

Download:
Sticks in a Bundle are Unbreakable Art PrintPDF
Right click then Save link as (for Windows)
or Control-click then Download linked file as (for Macs.)

Love,


The presence of Gratitude

Click or right-click, save as:
Gratitude Mini-Bunting
zip file : 3 PDFs

I made this for our home, to hang above my kitchen sink.

When I actively practice Gratitude, I mean really bask in it, laze in it, try to inject it into every one of thoughts to light up my every move, that’s when I am my best self. (Pssst, I am talking about the Journal app I use to practice Gratitude on KOM today, hop on over if you wish!)

You could use this banner as a tool to remind yourself to be present in Gratitude & also make it a super-fun activity for yourself &/or your family by using the blank triangle PDF to write down what you are grateful for — & string them up as you go along.

Every year at this time I sink into this practice heavily, soundly & then over the course of the year my practice isn’t as intense, it exits stage left, parties backstage but isn’t center stage.

Last year my words for the year were: Be Gentle, Be Love.

This coming year, & I’m starting early to prepare myself for the bigness that comes with this word, Gratitude.

Grat-i-tude. Grat-i-tude. Grat-i-tude.

Like a heartbeat. Grat-i-tude. Grat-i-tude.

Wear Gratitude headphones. Sink into the sound.

Let it be your soundtrack.

Let it flood every fiber of your beautiful & unique being.

How does it feel?


Abuse and the song of self-love

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less & less important whether I am afraid.


Audre Lorde

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The backdoor of my heart flew open yesterday.

A storm blew in & I sat, meditative pose, & let it rush over me.

I found a bruise on the back of my arm in the shower. I didn’t know it was there until I brushed over it. I vaguely remember one of the boys doing something while we were playing around on the floor.

15 years ago I would have known exactly how I got that bruise & why.

I remember the first time it happened. We were sitting at lunch, a group of us, I laughed loudly at a story one of my friends told, someone I grew up with, who also happened to be male. I felt a deep pinch under the table.

My boyfriend’s hand laying out his insecurities on my 13 year old leg.
Fingerprint bruises on the inside of my right thigh that evening.

There were more pinches to my arms & legs over the next four years. My head against a locker door once, in front of people. Too many incidents of this kind to recall, so many that have faded from my memory. The emotional & verbal abuse was even worst.

He was controlling,
jealous, a coward.

I was empty, tired &
living halfheartedly.

Why did you stay with him?

I could rattle off reasons, the normal ones. I was young. I cared for him. I pitied him. I was “in (puppy) love.” I gave him my virginity. It wasn’t all bad all the time. I thought he’d change. He said he would every time there was conflict, a fight. He romanced me back with words & gestures. He was sensitive. He was a decent human being for the most part, to outsiders especially. He had lovable qualities (don’t we all?)

The way he was taught to love was misguided,
I thought I could fix that.

The story is long, but a record on repeat. The needle would skip & my hand would place it back at the beginning. The same album would play.

I was surrounded by loving friends & family & they tried so desperately to change the record, telling me that it was the same old song & dance but my ears were deaf to that.

After some time there weren’t any records left. He busted them all – the ones that held all my sacred sounds,

my virtues.

Eventually, secretly & inwardly I took all those pieces, the puzzle of who I was & what I really wanted out of this life & painstakingly began the process of gluing myself back together.

No loved one could have said anything to help this situation prior to this moment. I had to want it.

I had to take those steps.

My Courage & Strength sprung up, slow, & on the drums.

Reverence for my body, my precious, sacred body, a dizzy bass beat.

Compassion for the entire situation, a synthesizer mothering it all.

Tact, Grace & Kindness in my telling him to fuck off, the wail of the guitar.

The song of self-love & the love for life was Beauty & damn could she sing.

Here, after all these years, this is my Openness & my Gratitude for having a place to play my song.

I’m telling this story, laying down these roots here today because I know there so many women, especially young women that have been through this or that are going through it.

When I googled phrases like, “my boyfriend is controlling” – “my boyfriend hit me” – “my boyfriend is jealous” – I found nothing of substance on the first page.

If you stumbled upon this article because you are there…

Beautiful one, I want to say this to you:

You are worthy of a love so much better than this. This is your life. Your one & only life. Every second of it is so, so precious.

Don’t miss out on the life that’s waiting for you.

Maybe you just had a fight, he (or she) just got angry at you for going out with your friends or he thought you looked like a whore in that shirt or he didn’t like the way you looked at that guy in the department store.

The universe sent you here for a reason. Look around, dig deep here. Learn about yourself through our stories. There are so many woman here waiting to hold you up into the light of love.

Huddle up with friends & family that you trust. I know they’ve probably heard you say that you were going to leave him time & time again, but they love you. If they don’t take you seriously, find someone who will. If you are anything like I was, you’ve kept things about the relationship hidden from them because you are ashamed.

Forgive yourself & him. This will take some time but when you truly do, you’ll release all the fear, guilt, shame & blame that is destroying your spirit. Joy will seep in & it will be glorious. Trust me.

You know what you have to do. Start taking small steps. Rediscover your passions. Treat yourself with kindness & care. Be patient with yourself. Learn to truly LOVE YOURSELF. That last one, that’s going to be the clincher.

I highly recommend journaling through. Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Conner is a book I wish I would have had. It’ll be messy, but oh, it will help.

Maybe you need some tough (but loving) love?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. This is important. Sometimes things are too big to take care of by yourself. That’s okay.

In writing this, I feel like I made it all sound so easy but I assure you, it’s not. There will be skips in the record, especially in the beginning, big screeches & then it will come to a halt. This usually happens when you are alone…

Learn how to:

Fall in love with being alone
,

let your true self out,

& rock this trip around the sun.

As the years go by these skips will become less & less, smaller & smaller, sometimes they will show up in behavior patterns in other relationships. Sometimes there will be triggers, like that bruise I found in the shower yesterday, it’s okay to embrace them. It’s okay to talk about them…

but don’t let them define you.

You are so much more than what has happened to you.

Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are.


Jo Blackwell-Preston

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